A Dream upon Waking
by mkim57
Summary: What if there had been no 7.5 minutes at the end of series finale Fair Winds and Following Seas? This is one way Harm and Mac's path's might have crossed, if they'd parted April 29, 2005. Read the set-up first and then the prologue, for another path.
1. Chapter 1

iThese scenes are taken from the versions graciously provided to us by TQ after the finale/i

[Note: These next three scenes are omitted in the green version dated March 17, 2005.]

Bud/Harriet: Good evening, Captain.

Harm: Evening. (Looks at Harriet) Anyone tell you how beautiful you look?

Harriet: (looks at Bud) You'd be the first person who didn't expect something in return.

Bud blushes a little.

Harriet: This is all so sad. (Off Harm's look.) After tonight, we're never going to be together like this again.

Harm: Maybe that's reason to celebrate.

Bud: Well, the last few years have been the best time of my life.

Harriet: Mine, too. It's hard knowing that it's all coming to an end. (A beat) I'm sure Colonel Mackenzie feels that way. (Off Harm)

Exterior of the Adidas Huckleberry Hotel in the patio at night, Mac sits alone, feeling not the least bit festive but looking ravishing in a red dress. Coates approaches.

Coates: Goods evening, Ma'am. You want a little company?

Mac: Sure. Sit down.

Coates: Sorry to break in on your thoughts.

Mac: Not thoughts, Jen. Just a vague ... disappointment.

[This is where they had the discussion about Coates going to San Diego.]

Coates is flattered.

Coates: I was hoping Vic...Lt. Vukovic would make it back in time for the party. I'll bet he looks good in his dress whites.

Mac shoots Coates a look.

Coates: Are you taking Lt. Vukovic to San Diego with you?

Mac: You make it sound like he's my pet Chihuahua.

Coates: As part of your legal staff?

Mac: He asked. I said "no".

iI cut anymore discussion of Vukovic out right here, because I could(smile)/i

Now we go to the interior of the Hotel in the men's rest room.  
Turner washes up as the General enters.

Turner: Good evening, Sir. Nice Party.

General washes his hands.

General: Is that why everyone is leaving early?

Turner: People are having a hard time saying goodbye, General.

General (not buying it): I've had fifteen different duty assignments in thirty years.

Turner: Maybe these people have just been together too long.

General: You're one of "these people", Commander.

Turner: Not really. (As he leaves) Good evening, Sir.

[NOTE: the above three scenes were deleted in the green version dated 8/17/05.]

(17) Now we come to several scenes in and out of McMurphy's Bar. It is 0410 Zulu.

The interior of McMurphy's bar at night:  
Harm walks into the Bar. He takes a seat. The pretty girl bartender comes up to see what he wants. {these are some of the spoilers because they had sides.)

Bartender: I don't know what your scene is, but that's one trick outfit. You ever think about wearing a kilt?

Harm: Not recently.

Bar: I bet you've got the legs. (With a smile) What can I do for you?

Harm: Bud Light.

Bar: You can have whatever you want.  
Bartender serves up the beer. Harm muses.

Mac (off to the side): Didn't expect to find you here.

Harm turns, surprised to see her.

Harm: I could say the same for you.

Mac pulls herself onto the bar stool next to him.

Mac: This is the last place I got drunk.

Harm: You weren't thinking...?

Mac: Are you crazy?

Bartender gives Mac the once over.

Bar: what can I do for you?

Mac: Soda with a twist, please.

Bar: It figures a guy like him would be with a girl like you.

Mac: We're not really ... with... it's just for the moment.

Bar (re Harm): So what is with that outfit?

Mac: Every now and then he likes to get wild and crazy.

Bar: Lucky you.

Mac: yea. Lucky me.

Harm and Mac clink glasses.

Mac: To having nothing left to say. [This is like Mac's toast.]

Harm: Right

Although Mac clearly has something on her mind.

Mac: Although, I've got one last request ...

Just then they hear a familiar voice.

Bud: Commander. Colonel.

The direction says: "Yikes. The moment is spoiled. Bud and Harriet step up to the bar.

Bud: This is amazing...

Harriet: ...that we'd all end up here.

Harm: It's kind of like "Groundhog day."

Bud: Exactly. Remember sitting at this bar and singing 'Baby It's Cold Outside."

Harriet: And remember Brumby's going away party?  
(Harriet looks at Mac)

Harriet: Sorry.

Mac: That's okay. It was a sweet night. I still can't listen to "Waltzing Matilda" without crying.

Harriet: We've all had a lot of good times here. I wish it never had to end.

Mac looks somberly at harm. She wishes the same thing.

We go to the exterior of McMurphy's Bar at night. Turner comes up to the door. He looks inside, sees the others, and decides not to go in. As he starts away, he bumps into Coates.

Coates: Not going in, Sir?

Turner: Guess I wanted to drink alone.

Coates: Please come in, Commander. Let's end tonight in style. Besides, the General's going to be here any moment.

Turner: The General doesn't drink.

Coates: No problems. I made sure he'd show up. (Off Turner's reticence) I'd hate to have to walk into a bar unaccompanied, Sir.

Turner relents, smiles. He offers her his arm.

Back we go into McMurphy's Bar - night.  
Mac looks up to see Turner and Coates come in the door.

Mac: Looks like the gang's all here.

Coates and Turner step up to the bar.

Harm: What'll you have. I'm buying.

Coates: Bloody Mary.

Turner: Martini.

Bar: (to Harm): If you need another friend, I know where you can find one. (With a grin!) I don't mind a crowd.

She walks away.

Mac (to Harm; sardonic): It's nice to see you making new friends.

Harm: Will you cut it out?

Mac: I hear the girls in London are cute.

Harm: I hear the boys in San Diego are even cuter.

Mac (laughs): Okay. Truce.

Then General Cresswell enters, finding his loyal troops. He comes over to Coates.

General: I got your message. I thought you said you had a flat tire and no spare.

Coates: I lied, Sir. (Off his look) I knew you wouldn't come otherwise, General, and...As much as it might surprise you, it wouldn't be the same without you here.

General takes a moment to digest the compliment. He scans the faces of the others. All seem in agreement, the General has finally passed social muster with the group.

Harm: Drinks are on me, Sir.

Cresswell scans the bar, spots mac's nonalcoholic bevvy and says to the Bartender: I'll have what she's having.

General settles in, feeling at ease with them for perhaps the first time ever.

Bar (to the General): Another trick outfit.

Mac: Ignore her.

Cresswell: Who does she think we are.

Mac: You don't want to know.

Harm: Sorry I left the party early General. But...  
[my emphasis]

General: It was more like a wake than a celebration, Captain. I know, I was there.

He turns to Coates: You know, I spent 20 minutes looking for my Triple A card.

He turns to Mac: You're welcome to her, Colonel. May you both find greener pastures on the Left Coast.

Mac: Hear, hear.

Mac raises her glass and the others follow suit.

There is a time cut, but still in McMurphy's Bar.  
Hilarity ensues. Mac leans over to Harm.

Mac: We need to talk.

Harm: We've been talking all night.

Mac: let's take this outside.

The direction says: Mac stands, not minding that harm is taking in the full view as she pulls a wrap around herself. Mac starts for the door and Harm can be seen appreciating her form as she walks away.

Harm and Mac exit the bar.

Mac: What time's your flight?

Harm: Zero eight hundred.

Mac: That's eight hours from now.

Harm: What's your point?

Mac: That gives you two hours to finish packing...one hour to get to Andrews.

She gives him a look. He plays along with it.

Harm: What do I do with the other five?

She holds out a set of keys.

Mac: The big one's to the downstairs door. The small one's to my apartment. Sometimes it sticks a little so you'll want to give it an extra hard push. (Seductively.) I won't be hard to find. I'll be the girl in the red silk camisole.

Harm: You look good in silk.

Mac: I look better out of it.

Mac tosses him the keys.

Mac: It's time we found out what the past nine years were all about.

She turns to go. Harm is nearly speechless.

Mac: See you, Harm.

Harm (hesitates, then): See you, Mac.

Freeze...End of Show.


	2. Chapter 2

A Dream upon Waking

Prologue

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the JAG characters; I don't own any product or label mentioned for the purposes of telling this story. Any similarities to situations or persons, living or dead, are purely coincidental.

A/N: Needless to say, Harm and Mac did not get married in 2005. They went to their respective duty stations. Harm reported to London as Force Judge Advocate at Naval Forces Europe and Mac reported to San Diego as the Commanding Officer at Joint Legal Service Office Southwest.

15 May 2009

1730

Joint Legal Service Office Southwest

San Diego, California

It was shaping up to be another beautiful spring afternoon, in California. The building that housed the Joint Legal Service Office Southwest was quiet. Most Navy and Marine personnel had secured for the day; the weekend for them had already begun. Mac turned off her desk lamp, stood and stretched, trying to shake off the last 4 hours of paperwork.

She stepped around the room, massaging her lower back. She smiled as she passed a picture of little AJ and herself taken last summer. It was placed, with other precious pictures, on the shelf of a burnished oak bookcase which sat behind her desk. His 10th birthday was coming up on Monday, and his birthday present was already in the mail. iHad it been 10 years?/i She looked at other framed photos in the grouping. Chloe and her beloved horse, Scout, taken on her 15th birthday and then her eyes came to rest on the picture she and Harm had taken while they were in Afghanistan. They both looked confidently into the camera; Harm's arm draped casually around her shoulders. The picture always caused a lot of confusion for colleagues and visitors to her office. The question would inevitably come, iIs this your husband?/i

Mac chuckled and shook her head. iNo…as always, we're just friends./i She knew she'd save herself a lot of aggravation by putting the picture away, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it. The picture represented a good period in their relationship and she wanted to remember it. She'd never been as close to anyone, as she was to Harm. iWas…/I

Her yeoman, Chief Petty Officer Jennifer Coates buzzed in, telling her that Mrs. Trish Burnett was asking to see her.

She was so startled that she didn't respond for a moment. She knew instinctively that this was not a social visit.

"Ma'am?" Her yeoman's voice startled her.

"Send her in, Chief."

Trish Burnett entered the room, looking much more fragile than Mac remembered, with a smile that was a bit too bright. Her face, while still beautiful, bore faint lines near her eyes and mouth, her blond hair was now silver white. It had been years since Mac had seen her, but Harm's mother still had the same sophisticated elegance of a lady of means.

"Hello…Mac, I'm sorry to come here like this out of the blue, but I didn't know what else to do."

When Trish spoke, her composed demeanor changed. Mac now noticed her pale complexion, and wide worried eyes that didn't quite meet hers. Mac pushed away her churning thoughts and reassured her. "No need to apologize, ma'am. Please sit down."

"It's about Harm, he's been injured…a car bomb, in Bahrain. I was notified, just this morning. I haven't told Mattie. I wanted to wait until I spoke with you."

Trish's words struck her like a fist, so much so that she suddenly sat back in her chair. She blew out her breath in a rush and caught it again. "Is he alright?"

"Yes…..and no." She sat rigid in her chair, her hands clasped tightly in front of her.

"Ma'am?" She leaned forward over her desk, eyes wide and her voice unintentionally sharp.

"I'm sorry Mac, this is so awkward. He is recovering well physically, He has some second degree burns, cut and bruises, but he is healing well, his doctors tell me."

Mac couldn't hold back an audible sigh of relief. "That's great, Mrs. Burnett, but I'm not sure I'm following why you are obviously so concerned about Harm, So much so, that you came to see me today."

Mrs. Burnett pressed her lips together; still at a loss as to how to explain why she needed Mac's help. She looked around the room and upon seeing Harm and Mac's picture; her chin began to tremble as her eyes stung with tears. Suddenly she looked down at her hands and without raising her head, she began,

"The… incident happened 3 days ago and as I said, he's recovering physically…but…he…he keeps asking for his wife."

i He'd gotten married?/i Mac leaned back in her chair and involuntarily placed her hand on her chest. She knew this would happen someday, but, even after 4 years, it seemed too soon.

"Harm was married? I hadn't heard." She tried to keep her tone of voice even, she hoped Trish hadn't heard the slight quaver.

Trish's lowered head suddenly snapped up and she looked directly at Mac through reddened eyes. "No, that's the problem, he isn't married. He ibelieves/i he is married…..

ito you./i"

TBC

A/N: I'll post chapter 1 later this morning.


	3. Chapter 3

A Dream upon Waking

Chapter One

Disclaimers: as previously stated.

A/N: There is no hospital on the US Embassy Complex, in London. All I could find was a clinic. Also, the medical opinions expressed here are also figments of my imagination. Don't you just love fiction?

A/N: Thanks to janlaw for the JAG info and help with proofing. You are a pal.

Pre dawn

American Airlines flight 2005

Somewhere over the Atlantic

Mac adjusted her seat and tried to make herself more comfortable. She glanced over at Mrs. Burnett, who appeared to be sleeping. It might have been smart to try and get some sleep, while she was taking her nearly 10 hour flight to London, but she couldn't turn off the questions whirling around in her mind. Looking out the window at the midnight blue didn't help; there was nothing to see to distract her. So naturally, her thoughts turned inward. Thoughts of the last time she'd seen Harm, about how much it had hurt to finally let him go.

Her decision to go to Harm had been automatic. He was in trouble, he needed her...it was as simple as that. She notified her command, her XO would seamlessly step up and in less than 24 hours, Mac was on her way to London, with two weeks leave. Mrs. Burnett had arranged the flight, first class, of course.

There hadn't been any real communication between herself and Harm in some time. When they parted, they said they'd stay in touch, but both became so busy, settling into their new commands, that communication was sparse, at best. When they did exchange emails, they really didn't share anything important. Nothing of what was really going on in their lives, not that there was much to tell, for her part. Work, lots of it, and she'd assumed it was the same for Harm. Eventually, the emails dwindled away to one a month, an occasional Christmas card, a congratulatory note when she was promoted in rank to full Colonel, but other than that, nothing special.

Mrs. Burnett seemed to believe that if Harm could see her, along with the care he was receiving from the staff at the hospital, that it would help get him back into reality. She explained to Mac that he seemed well aware of all the other changes in his life, including Mattie's being in college at USC. He knew his staff, he knew his mother, about all the changes in her life, and he knew about Frank's health, which had declined in the past year. However, Harm seemed to have, in his own mind, created a marriage…a life with Mac over the last 4 years.

After the plane landed at Heathrow, they caught a taxi directly to the hospital on the US Embassy Complex. When they arrived, before they exited their taxi, Mrs. Burnett placed her hand gently on Mac's forearm.

"Thank you so much for coming with me. I know it must have been hard to get away. I just didn't know where else to turn."

"I'm glad you came to me, Mrs. Burnett. I'm sure that everything can be resolved."

"Please call me Trish…I know we've only met once before, but I feel as though I know you, through Harm."

"I know…Trish; I feel the same way about you."

When they arrived at the hospital, Mac took Trish's arm as they walked; it seemed only right to support her, but in her heart Mac needed support too. Looking up at the beautiful brick and stone building, she swallowed hard. She hadn't seen Harm in over 4 years. She'd thought of him often enough, but thankfully, her command at Joint Legal Services had filled her life. It had filled it to such a degree; she hadn't had time to mourn the loss of Harm in her daily life. Without either of them realizing it, their close friendship became a distant one, full of fond memories. As time passed, however precious those memories were to her, they were part of her past, never to return. She had stoically accepted this, long ago.

As the elevator ascended upward she felt her own heart begin to accelerate, she felt her throat tighten with emotion. Up until now, she'd only been thinking of how Harm would handle seeing her. Now, how would Ishe/i handle seeing him?

Harm was on a medical floor. Mac was relieved, she wasn't sure she'd have been able to stand seeing him in a lock down unit. The ward had a nurse's station at its center, with eight rooms situated around it, much like an intensive care unit. Their walls were glass, with automatic doors that could slide open, so that each patient could be accessed easily and observed. There were also curtains, used for each patient's privacy.

They stopped at the nurses' station to ask if they could see Harm. The nurse behind the desk looked up at the two women.

"I'm Mrs. Burnett, this is Colonel Sarah Mackenzie, and we'd like to see Captain Harmon Rabb, please." Trish thought that since Mac was in civilian attire, it might to good to emphasize that she was a Colonel in this military hospital.

The nurse told them that Captain Rabb's treating physician, Captain Ross, would like to see them before they saw Harm. They were led into a small, sparsely furnished office and were seated. Captain Ross entered the room not long afterward. He introduced himself and tried, as best he could, to explain to them what had happened to Harm in Bahrain.

Harm had witnessed a car bombing in Bahrain. A woman and her child, apparently standing near the car, were killed. Harm had tried to help them, got them to the hospital, but to no avail; they both died shortly after their admission to the hospital."

"How was he hurt?" Trish's tone of voice was uneven, her arms tight at her sides, her handbag still wedged solidly under her arm.

"He was knocked off his feet when the car bomb detonated, he suffered some minor burns, but he didn't lose consciousness. He was treated at the scene and then transported here, where he was admitted for observation. After we became aware of his medical history, that indicated multiple traumas to his head, we thought close observation was prudent. His history of retrograde amnesia post head injury in 2001, was also a factor in his admission here."

It was after we ascertained from his service record that there was no wife to be contacted, that we contacted his mother. Mrs. Burnett is on record as being his primary medical contact person. However, in case she was not available, Captain Rabb requested that we contact you."

Mac was thoughtful for a moment. She had no idea Harm still felt enough of a connection to her to trust her in this way. Still having trouble grasping the whole situation, she asked the captain what could have happened to him to make him revert into this world that included her, and a marriage.

"Is what he's experiencing now, a type of amnesia?"

"Captain Rabb's condition more closely resembles dissociative amnesia. It's a condition where a patient blocks out critical personal information of a traumatic or stressful nature. In Captain Rabb's case, the traumatic situation was the car bombing and apparently, he replaced it with a more pleasant memory. The twist, in this case, is that he has also developed a memory of a marriage that doesn't exist."

"The only other things that he can't recall are the details just prior to the car bombing, the bombing itself and events immediately after. Hospital personnel reported that he was very distraught after being informed that the woman and child he had tried to rescue had died. He had been waiting for some time for word of their condition. He refused treatment until he heard. While the nursing staff were dressing his cuts and burns, he became disoriented. His speech slurred, the only thing that they clearly understood was that he wanted his wife; this was passed along when he was transported to this facility. And as I told you, since his service record didn't indicate a wife, we contacted Mrs. Burnett."

"When were we married…I mean, in his mind, when did this happen?" Her words sounded odd to her.

"When he was admitted, we asked routine questions. He stated that he was married April 29, 2005. When it was understood that there was, in fact, no wife, I questioned him further. Captain Rabb believes himself a happily married man. He says that you take turns commuting between San Diego and London. His memories are very detailed."

Mac and Trish both listened quietly, each with their own view of the information they were hearing. Mac was still overwhelmed by what she was hearing; Trish wishing to heaven that what Harm believed was true so that he wouldn't have to go through this without a wife to help him.

"He says that you were married at the home of Commander Bud Roberts; his wife was your maid of honor, the Commander was his best man. Are these people who know you both well?"

Mac could only nod the affirmative.

"Harm is one of the strongest people I know. Why would witnessing this incident affect him this way? He has handled nearly every level of combat stress there is, from hand to hand to air to air. He's seen things that I don't even know about, he worked for a short time for the CIA. Who knows what he saw then, but he never created a wife while he was recovering."

The captain nodded his understanding.

"It's hard to discern what triggers this condition. In my opinion, what Captain Rabb witnessed was so traumatic to him, that he created your happy marriage to 'escape into' while he is trying to process it. IA dream in waking,/I you might say. When he comes to terms with this trauma, he will be able to let the fantasy world he's created, go."

It didn't surprise Mac that Harm had tried to help in this situation, but his blocking out the incident and focusing on her, was another matter. She didn't want to deceive Harm and she told them both so. What she didn't say was that she was also thinking of her own feelings. She had moved on, as scary and difficult as it had been. Now, this was going to open all of her old wounds.

"Were you and the Captain ever a couple, Colonel?" The captain asked.

Mac's head automatically went down then she looked back up at the captain with a forced smile. "We came very close, but no…not officially a couple."

Both Trish and the captain looked at her curiously.

"I'm sorry, we knew….we acknowledged, that we had strong feelings for each other, but we never seemed to be able to….make it work. Then we were both given assignments nearly 6000 miles away from each other, and that was….that."

Mac looked at Trish apologetically, without knowing why. It hadn't been her fault…she couldn't even blame Harm. They were both ambitious people who loved what they did and because of that, had lost their last opportunity together. Without warning, thoughts of Harm's hopeful look, at the Admiral's Dining Out came to her mind as he softly said, 'itogether, like we planned…/I

Mac shifted in her seat, suddenly feeling uncomfortable and exposed. She asked Captain Ross how he wanted to handle the situation.

"I'm aware that this is an unusual situation, but I ask your indulgence until we can get Captain Rabb to a place where he can remember what happened. I think if we do that, his memory will return everything and everyone to its proper place. I'd like to take this one moment at a time. I'd like to see how he reacts to you. Maybe seeing you will be all it takes to bring him back to reality. If seeing you is not enough, I'd like to give him time to adjust to the truth of things, instead of jolting him back into reality. He has been through a great deal of trauma; I don't want to make this another traumatic experience."

The captain looked at Mac directly. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

Mac waited a beat, and then answered. "Yes…what do you want me to do?"

"First, understand that we won't expose you to anything too intimate with Captain Rabb. While he may be more familiar, as a husband would be with a wife, you won't be alone with him. I want to stress again, if you don't feel you can do this Colonel, you are under no obligation to do so. You must be sure, because once we begin this process, it would be even more difficult for Captain Rabb should you suddenly decide to back away from this."

Mac drew in a deep breath and she looked directly at Captain Ross, the muscles in her forehead visibly tightening. "I understand, Captain Ross. Captain Rabb…Harm and I have been very close friends. Even though we may have lost touch in recent years, I still consider him my best friend. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to help him."

Trish, who had remained quiet for most of the doctor's briefing, reached for Mac's hand and whispered, "Thank you."

With that, they were directed to Harm's room. Mac walked slightly ahead of Trish and Captain Ross. When she approached his room, she walked up to the glass. It was so good to see him, even under these circumstances. He was lying down, his tall frame covering the length of the bed. His head was turned away from her. He had a small bandage on his forehead, small cuts on his arms and hands. She was feeling so many things. Happiness to see him, that familiar clutch in her heart she always had when he walked into a room. She felt trepidation as to how Harm would react to seeing her, hearing that still small voice inside her, reminding her how much she still loved him. Leaning closer to the surface of the glass partition, she placed her hand over her heart. She felt as if she had Harm's heart in her hands…as well as her own.

Just then, Harm seemed to stir. He opened his eyes, and turned his head slowly toward her, as though he knew she'd be there. The look on his face nearly took her breath away. He had looked at her before with affection, friendship, even desire but this was different. He looked at her with an expression that spoke of love shared and remembered.

He said her name and she walked into his room, the look in his eyes quickening her steps, in spite of the circumstances of their meeting. He smiled an invitation for her to come closer, and when she did, he reached for her. He raised himself up on one elbow. "Mac…I thought you'd never get here." She took his hand, and he looked at her in such a way that made her chest tight and breathing difficult. "Where have you been?"

Mac couldn't speak; she was still caught up in the tender look on his face. His searching eyes seemed to see only her and his touch was astonishingly familiar.

He sat up and leaned forward carefully and then drew her into his arms. "I don't care…You're here." He whispered and planted a soft kiss on her neck, with all the intimacy a husband would.

The Captain cleared his throat from the doorway and Harm loosened his embrace, but did not release her. He smiled gratefully at his mother.

"Do I have you to thank for getting my wife back where she belongs?"

Mac could see the concern on her face and Captain Ross' assessing gaze. This was not what they had hoped or expected.

Trish looked at her son, and smiled brokenly, wishing with all her heart that Mac was his wife. He needed a wife; he'd been alone for far too long.

"Yes…you do."

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

A Dream upon Waking

Chapter Two

Disclaimers: As previously stated.

Trish and Mac settled into Harm's hospital room, while Captain Ross went to the nurses' station, standing in a place that would allow him to observe Harm's reaction to them. Mac started to stand and sit in one of the visitor's chairs at his bedside, but the slight tightening of Harm's grip on her hand, persuaded Mac to stay close.

It was difficult for Mac to push away the rush of feeling, when Harm would lightly stroke her arm while he spoke with them. So happy to see them, that he barely gave either of them a chance to speak. He'd ask a question and then almost immediately answer it. From time to time he would look at Mac, saying things like "I thought you'd never get here" or "I can't believe you're finally here."

Mac could see a happy light in his eyes, but she saw something else too, there was a barely perceptible sadness in their depths. Someone who didn't know him as well as she did, might not have been able to detect his hidden pain. She was amazed too, that her instincts as far as Harm was concerned, were still so well intact.

Then Harm stopped speaking abruptly, suddenly serious, he gripped Mac's hand in both of his. "You haven't told Mattie have you?"

Mac looked quickly at Trish and mercifully, she answered his question, saying that 'they' hadn't thought it was a good idea.

Harm's whole body visibly relaxed as he looked from his mother to Mac and smiled. "I should have known you two would have everything under control."

Just then, a nurse appeared at the doorway of his room. "Captain Rabb, you have been scheduled for pulmonary function testing this afternoon; the transport staff are on their way." She looked at Trish and Mac. "I'm sorry; he should be back, shortly."

"But she just got here….you'll be here when I get back…right?" The lost look on his face made Mac's heart thud painfully.

Mac placed her hand over his, "Of course I will…cooperate, Sailor."

Harm was rubbing quick circles on the back of her hand. "Okay."

Mac and Trish stood to leave and Harm asked the nurse "How long will this take anyway?"

"Not long Captain." She turned and stepped back out into the hall as Trish approached the doorway.

Harm stood, he hadn't let go of Mac's hand yet, as his mother and the nurse left the room. He pulled Mac into his arms, pressing her snugly to him. After a long moment, he pulled back from her enough to look deeply into her eyes and said in a husky whisper, "I missed you."

"I…" Mac's eyes were wide, her mouth open slightly, taken off guard by the strength of the emotion she saw in his eyes. Her body was still tingling from the warmth of his breath on her neck.

He didn't give her a chance to regain her balance, before he covered her mouth with his, pulling her close with an ease and passion of a familiar lover. Any thought of being observed by the hospital staff, Trish or even Captain Ross, completely left her mind and for a few slow and precious seconds, she let herself be pulled into the fervor of his kiss.

When she did remember, she broke the kiss, "Harm…" She placed her fisted hand between them and tried to push away, unable to look up into the smoky blue fire in his eyes.

Harm chuckled deep in his chest. "I know…not in front of everyone."

Mac recovered quickly "Yeah." She said, with a shaky laugh. "I know…in front of your mom no less." She smiled up at him, with her cheeks coloring.

"Hey...couldn't help myself." He pulled her close again and whispered, "I've missed you...so much." When he released her, he devastated her with the next thing he said.

"I love you." His eyes were misting and his gaze, yielding.

The words pierced her; they were words she never thought she'd hear him say. Her mind had shut out the possibility of this kind of closeness to Harm, years ago. She returned the look, because though her role as a wife was an act, what she still felt for him, was not. The tips of her fingers were itching to stroke his cheek and rake her finger tips through the thick, short-cropped hair, above that uniquely curved ear. She closed her hands into fists at her sides to bring them into submission.

She swallowed the words I"I love you"/I but they went straight from her heart to her eyes. She wanted to say them, so much that her throat ached. Any questions about her true feeling for Harm were answered the first time she looked into his eyes. She loved him alright, and with her whole heart. But telling him now would only make their recovery from this 'dream' more difficult. And that was something, she was sure that her heart couldn't take.

Curiously enough, Harm smiled at her as though she had answered him. in kind. "We've got to do something about this cross continental marriage, Mac. Two months apart is too long."

Mac nodded, fearing her voice would betray her.

The nurse's voice brought her back to reality, as transport personnel arrived with a wheelchair. "Ma'am, you can visit the captain, shortly."

Harm released her then and Mac slipped out of his arms, her hands sliding down his arms until, at last, they parted at their finger tips. She joined Trish in the hall and they followed the nurse into a small conference room, behind the nurses' station.

She motioned them toward a small round table, telling them that Captain Ross would be with them shortly.

When he entered the room, he looked directly at Mac and said, without preamble "I have some questions."

"So do I, but I'll answer yours first." Mac's hands were clasped in front her on the table.

The captain did not sit down but stood at the other side of the room, his arms crossed in front of him. He asked her frankly what their prior relationship was, going on to say that this looked like more than close friends who might have thought about a relationship.

Mac was confused; she asked the doctor why he thought that Harm's behavior was so unusual, given his belief that they were married.

"It's not Captain Rabb who I was referring to. I'm referring to you. It's important that you keep your emotional balance in this."

Mac's attention returned to her hands.

"We met at JAG about almost 13 years ago; we were together almost every day of the 9 years that we worked together. We became friends, close friends. There iwas/i more to it than friendship, but we never seemed to be able to get together as a couple…things kept getting in the way. It may sound like a cliché, but that is the truth. "

She smiled, "We never made solid plans for a future but we did make a pact. In fact, we made it 10 years ago, on May 18th, the day our godson was born. We promised each other that if we neither of us was involved with anyone, five years after our godson was born, we would have a baby together." She shrugged, her own disappointment apparent. "But that didn't work out either."

"Anyway….after that, for reasons I'd rather not go into, when the time came, Harm was ready, but I was not. Then came our transfers, he to London and me to San Diego. We didn't continue the closeness in our friendship, long distance; we had good intentions but I didn't really expect…." Mac blinked her eyes, when tears began to sting them. "We just missed our opportunity."

Captain Ross considered what Mac had said for a moment, while Trish was openly studying Mac. Then she asked her, point blank, if she loved her son. Mac raised her brows in surprise at the directness of the question, but she did not lie.

"Yes. I find that I still do."

'He loves you, Mac." She turned on her chair facing Mac, a look of determination on her face.

But Mac was equally determined trying to keep a realistic view of her present relationship with Harm.

"The injured Harm loves me. I'm not so sure about the man who left Washington D.C. four years ago."

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

A Dream upon Waking

Chapter Three

Disclaimers as previously stated.

A/N Thanks to janlaw for proofing.

US Naval Hospital

American Embassy Complex

London

Captain Ross continued his question and answer session with Mac and Trish. Mac asked, "Do you really believe that playing along with Harm's belief that we are married will help, in the long run? Obviously, seeing me didn't jog his memory."

The captain answered that what Mac said was true. He said that in fact, Harm appeared to have slipped further into the fantasy world he'd created for them, but he also noticed that Harm answered nearly every question he had asked either of them. It was as if he knew that letting her answer might break into the reality he had created. Captain Ross believed that Harm knew, somewhere in his subconscious, that what he 'believed' wasn't real. For whatever reason, his conscious mind could not handle what it had suffered, without some kind of close emotional support. He said that obviously, Harm viewed Mac as that support.

Mac listened, thinking that what the captain was saying made sense. But her nagging voice of self preservation, that had helped her survive over the years, called out to her. 'What about you? How are you going to walk away, when he comes back to reality and doesn't need you?'Trish's voice broke into her thoughts when she placed her hand on her forearm. "I know this can't be easy for you."

"It isn't, but I know he needs my help, and I'm willing to do it." She looked directly at Trish. "But I have to be honest; I wonder what the cost will be? When all of this is over, what if he feels as though I've…we've, deceived him?"

Trish told her that she believed Harm would be grateful that she had helped him through a very rough time in his life. She said that Mac's help would allow him to return to himself and continue the life and career he loved. Then it was the captain's turn to reassure her, but he ended his reassurance with an admonition.

"All he needs is time, Colonel Mackenzie. It is my belief that your presence will allow him to heal, in what he obviously sees as a safe environment. Provided …that you keep your balance."

Captain Ross told them that he had other patients to see and that he would check on Harm periodically. After he left the room Mac told Trish she'd like to take a walk around the grounds of the hospital complex to clear her head. Trish returned to Harm's room.

It was overcast, the haze gray reflecting her feelings as she walked, her thoughts turned inward. She blocked out everything around her as she tried to clear her mind, to detach herself from what she was being asked to do.

What she had feared would happen, had already happened. She was as deeply in love with Harm as she had ever been. Their parting had been painful for both of them, but she had tried to make it easy for him. She knew Harm didn't really want to lose the opportunity he was offered here in London. Mac knew Harm's ambition; even with all of the changes the last few years at JAG had wrought on him, he was as ambitious and competitive as ever. He'd had his eye on the Admiral's chair since he came to JAG, his love of naval aviation notwithstanding. Mac also knew that their separation wasn't just about Harm's ambition, it was also about her own. She couldn't give up a chance of a lifetime, to command a prototype, a new level of service for lawyers in the field. JLSO Southwest was plum, and she felt sure she had the unique qualifications the job required.

She thought she'd made it easier for both of them, telling him that she knew how he felt. She didn't want to be the cause of his losing his opportunity and that she couldn't pass up her assignment either. Saying goodbye to Harm seemed a part of her life at one time or another; she thought that parting would be no different. Goodbyes had been part of their relationship from almost the beginning.

Now…here she was back in Harm's life, already dreading the next goodbye.

When she returned to Harm's room, he was back from X-ray. She hesitated at the doorway because neither Trish nor Captain Ross were anywhere in sight.

"You are here….I was beginning to think that your being here was a dream." His eyes were bright, the rise and fall of his chest told her he'd been on the edge of panic.

He scooted over and patted the bed beside him. "Come here, sit down."

Mac did as she was asked, her emotions warring as she approached him. She sat carefully, as though she was getting reacquainted with their newfound closeness. She tried to look at him as any wife would in this situation, keeping still, trying to give nothing away in her demeanor that would hint at how all of this was affecting her. Her forehead tensed as she focused on the bandage above his right eye. She slowly, tentatively reached up to touch the bandage, but Harm caught her hand and brought it to his cheek.

"I'm okay Mac. I have everything I need, now."

"Harm…." She leaned back only slightly, trying not to be obvious about staying out of his arms, arms that when they enfolded her, nearly made her forget her own name.

"I know, you're worried about me, but I'm fine. I just needed to see you."

He started to pull her closer to him and Mac braced her hand gently but firmly, on his shoulder. "You know I'd do anything for you, don't you?"

His look was serious, but so endearing that it nearly broke her heart. "I know…"

He started to pull her close again and Mac looked over her shoulder, "Harm…"

"Just for a minute…"

Those simple words, spoken in Harm's deep, seductive whisper were chipping away at her resistance. "I need you." He drew her in so that they were face to face, his beautiful eyes hooded and focused on her lips; slowly he nipped one, then the other.

"We'd….better...not," she argued, half heartedly, between each touch of his lips.

Harm leaned back, only long enough to give her his infuriatingly confident and knowing smile, before he pulled her body across his and kissed her deeply.

All of Mac's good intentions to keep her distance disappeared. She needed him too, so much. There had been no one of any consequence in her life since Harm. She'd dated occasionally, but never let herself become entangled in any long term relationship. If truth were known, the memory of that one night with him had ruined her for anyone else. There was no one else who she ever trusted with her heart or her secrets.

When Mac finally did break their kiss, he merely gave her a second to catch her breath before he kissed her again; once, twice and then again, with more intensity. Mac felt his strong heartbeat accelerate beneath her palm, his breathing deepening as he pulled her closer, nearly into bed with him. Flattening her palm on his chest she pushed him back, breaking their kiss, and putting a safer distance between them.

"Hrm..." She cleared her throat. "Harm."

"What's the matter wife, don't you trust me?"

She couldn't look up into those eyes that she knew were still dark with desire, she remembered them too well. She put both hands on the mattress beside her and scooted back from him, she knew she couldn't take much more of this.

"Umm, where's your mom?"

"She went for coffee." He reached up and gently touched her chin, turning her face toward his. "Mac, I'm not going to ravish you here in the hospital." He grinned devilishly, "I just wanted you to know you were missed."

"Huh, well…I believe you." She huffed and tried to laugh, as she tried to fix what little was left of her lipstick.

"I don't remember you being this shy, Mac."

"I'm not shy. I'm not…." She stopped herself just in time, she'd nearly said iI'm not used to this./i She tapped his arm, "Decorum, Harmon."

She looked up into his eyes again, hoping she hadn't given anything away, her heart pleading with him to help her, to come back to reality before both of their hearts were broken.

Trish entered the room, and not a moment too soon. She needed someone to divide Harm's attention so that his searching eyes wouldn't see that ifunny little turned up thing/i that he'd said her mouth did when she was hiding something. She focused her attention on Trish, folding her arms in front of her chest, reaching up with one hand and massaging the back of her neck. When she straightened her back, Harm ran his open palm gently down her back.

"You're tired, aren't you?"

Trish answered for her. "Of course she's tired. I don't think she slept at all on the way over."

Mac silently blessed Trish for giving her an out. She could say she was tired and get out of this room before she blew the whole thing,

Harm looked genuinely contrite. "I'm sorry Mac, I didn't even think about how long you'd been on a plane. You must be exhausted."

The loving concern she saw in his eyes, inexplicably, made her own eyes tear up and caused a lump to form in her throat. "Yeah, I'm tired." She managed to croak.

Trish rose from her seat. "You should let me take her home, Harmon. You can both start fresh in the morning."

Harm leaned forward and kissed her forehead. "I'll let her go." He leveled his eyes on hers. "But I expect you back, Mrs. Rabb, first thing in the morning." He raised his brows, "Okay?"

"I'll be here, I just need some sleep." She stood slowly, hoping he wouldn't try to kiss her again. If he didn't, she might be able to make a clean break out of the room, her tears in check.

She walked toward the door and just before she stepped out she smiled back at him. He gave her an answering smile and then his expression softened and he said,

"Welcome home, Mac. I'm glad you're here."

_Damn you Harm, I almost made it._

A flood of emotion coursed through her, its current wresting Mac's self control away. Tears welled in her eyes and spilled down her cheeks. When he saw them, he was up and across the room before she had a chance to recover. He gathered her into his arms and spoke to her, his voice gentle, reassuring her that he was okay, that he would be fine. The strength and kindness in his tone of voice brought what loving Harm always had, joy and pain.

Trish had watched this scene unfold. "Poor thing, this whole thing has really been harder on her than we thought it would be."

Mac stepped back while Harm still held her loosely in his arms, wiping her wet cheeks. "I'm sorry." She tried to laugh at her churning emotions, through her tears. "I'm just so glad to see you." She looked up at him as she wiped away fresh tears. "I wasn't sure what I'd find when we got here, I'm so glad you're alright." That was the truest thing she could say, but even that was nearly too much, she Ihad/i to get out of there.

"Mac," he whispered and tried to embrace her again, but she only allowed a quick hug and slipped out of his arms.

"I'm getting out of here, before I embarrass us all." She said without turning back to look at him.

Trish knew that only a great deal of love would have prompted the reactions Mac had shown today. Then she looked at her son, seeing the love and concern on his face, thinking what she was seeing couldn't just be Ia dream upon waking/I. These were two people in love.

"Goodnight son, sleep well."

Harm glanced at his mother and then returned his attention to Mac's retreating form down the hall.

"Goodnight, Mom, take care of her."

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

A Dream upon Waking

Chapter 4

Disclaimers as previously stated

A/N Thanks to janlaw for her proofing, in spite of a very busy life.

Harm's apartment was near the NLSO in London. In what seemed only minutes Trish and Mac were there. Trish unlocked the door and turned on the light, just inside the door. Mac stepped inside and looked around the room. His apartment in Washington DC had definitely been a bachelor's home, but this was more of a family home. He and Mattie had made a _home _here.

Mac walked out of the small foyer and into his living room, recognizing his furniture, noticing new pictures on his bookcase. She couldn't help scanning them for the face of a woman she didn't recognize. A new woman in Harm's life. She noticed the picture of Harm and Mattie, first. It looked like it was taken at her graduation from high school, both of them were beaming. Trish stepped up beside her.

"That was such a wonderful day, for them both. Mattie _walked_ up the podium and received her diploma. I've never seen Harm so proud."

It was then that Mac noticed the cane she held at her side. "She's lucky to have him; I knew Harm would be a good dad."

"I understand that he was able to get custody of Mattie, in the beginning, because of you."

"It was nothing, Harm's a great guy. He didn't need me."

Trish frowned at her. "Mac, I need your help to understand something. I knew this might be difficult for you, I know you and Harm were close, but your reactions to Harm, before we left the hospital, surprised me."

"I don't think I could explain it, even if I had a thousand days, I'm sorry."

"After we were separated, when we took our new assignments, it was tough in the beginning, but I was fine. I was given the opportunity of a lifetime, I had to take it. I love my job; it's very fulfilling for me."

i"But"/i Trish said, waiting.

"I do miss having him in my life, but I'd accepted that Harm and I weren't going to happen."

She looked directly at Trish, "Not everyone gets to marry the love of her life."

Trish dropped her gaze and nodded her agreement. When she looked up again, she saw the picture of Harm and his father, together, grouped with the others on the shelf. She was still grateful that she'd married hers, even if she'd only had him for a short time.

"Seeing him today, being this close, brought back a lot of old….feelings."

Trish placed her hand gently on her arm. She knew it was time to stop this conversation. Mac was looking exhausted, emotionally and physically. "I'm sorry dear. I didn't mean to pry. We'd better get some sleep."

Mac placed her hand over Trish's and nodded quickly. Trish told her she'd take Mattie's room and that she could sleep in Harm's room. After a quick look, Trish told her there were plenty of towels in the small bathroom off of Harm's bedroom.

"Are you sure you don't want me to take Mattie's room? Sleeping around all that teenage paraphernalia might be hard to do."

"Not at all, I'm used to it. I visit quite often since Harm became a father."

Both women said their goodnights and parted.

Mac stepped into his room, and closed it behind her. She looked around the room. Just being here, in Harm's home, was healing for her. Over the years, at those moments when she couldn't escape thoughts of him, she'd try to imagine his life here, and what he might be doing. She stepped into his bathroom, and she admonished herself silently for scanning the room, looking for evidence of a woman who was involved enough to leave a tooth brush, shower gel, anything. She looked inside the shower and saw only Harm's soap, a mirror and his shaving gel. She picked it up and smiled. He still wore it. It was her favorite. Harm didn't wear heavy cologne, but this was just enough. How she'd missed those little things about him.

After she showered and wrapped herself in a towel, she padded over to his closet and opened it, knowing but not caring that she was being a snoop. She ran her finger over the tops of shirts, suits, and uniforms, hung neatly inside. Everything in its place, all his T-shirts, socks and underwear all neatly stowed away. On impulse, she took one of the T-shirts from the neat stack, dropped her towel and slipped the clean white T-shirt over her head. It was soft on her skin and it fit like a short gown. Her shower had helped her clear her mind; had helped her step back from everything for a moment.

It was then that she noticed that Trish had left an extra pillow on the bed and had turned it back for her. Trish had been so kind and considerate of her feelings, from the very beginning of this whole ordeal.

She settled into bed and turned out the light. She lay quietly until her eyes adjusted to the darkness of the room and turning onto her side, she pulled her pillow down far enough to embrace it while she pillowed her head. Allowing herself to sink into its softness, she was again surrounded by the clean and sensual scent of him. Then she smiled and hugged the pillow closer when she thought she detected just a hint of jet fuel…it had to be her imagination, but you never knew with Harm.

If there was a way to do it, she was sure that Harm was still keeping up his quals. She flattened her palm on the surface of the bed beside her and stroked the sheet flat, unaccountably remembering her hand on his chest as she lay in his arms on their one night together.

It had begun as a proposition, a brazen proposition, she knew, but she was not going to let the night pass without showing him what she felt for him, even if she couldn't say it. She'd been waiting for something, back then. Anything from him, in the last 3 days before they parted that told her that Harm had a connection to her that couldn't be broken. When he showed up at her apartment the night before his going away party, she thought that they had finally reached their moment. But when Harm asked about what she was going to do about leasing her apartment, her heart sank. She was waiting for the words that would tell her they had a future. Not, I _wanted _you but I love you. Not you know the reason, not a veiled you have _someone_ who will always love you. She wanted _the words_. That was why hearing them from him this afternoon had been so devastating.

She lay flat on her back now, her mind cataloging everything about him that she'd missed. Besides the very sight of him, Mac thought of his voice and the hope that was always in it when he spoke. Harm was the man who never gave up, the one who looked for the answers until he found them. She missed the man who wouldn't let her give up on herself. Now that she looked back on that long ago night, she realized, ishe/i had hoped, until the last second that they were together, that understanding would dawn on them both and they'd find a way to be together.

_April 29, 2005_

_He'd come to her apartment, using the keys she'd given him. After he'd closed the door behind him, he saw her standing in the doorway of her bedroom. The room was candle lit, casting a soft light on everything in the room. She wore the promised red camisole and a little something else that was too small to mention. He'd gone home and changed into his jeans and a black button-down shirt. His eyes held a smoldering gleam, but he stood, as though rooted, in front of her closed apartment door._

_As she approached him, his eyes took her in from head to foot. Mac placed her hands on his chest and skimmed them up and over the smooth material and linked her arms around his neck. When their lips met, it was as if they had finally been freed from whatever held them apart, neither could get close enough to the other or kiss deeply enough. Just when she thought they'd both lost all control; Harm gripped her by her arms and held her away from him._

_Mac looked up at him with hurt and confusion, her eyes half closed with passion, her lips pink and slightly swollen from the intensity of their kisses. Harm was breathing heavily, his lips parted._

_"Mac, we have 5 hours…remember?"_

_It was then that he let go of her arms and cupped her face in his hands. This time he kissed her again, unhurriedly, with such power that he left Mac trembling with anticipation of what was to come. There was a kind of magic between them. It was as if, at that moment, they'd stepped into another world. A world where there was just the two of them, and there was no need for words. The rest of the night, they communicated with a look, a sigh, or a sharp intake of breath. He was a masterful lover, taking her with slow deliberate enjoyment._

_It seemed so surreal, to have him that close. The weight of his body in her arms when they were skin to skin, heart to heart. His eyes watched hers, for every nuance of pleasure, seemingly taking his own pleasure from what he saw reflected there. Without a word, he would tease her, and she teased back. They laughed together, between soul stirring kisses, clasped in a tight embrace, their breaths mingling. There were moments when his eyes locked with hers, feeling as though they were penetrating her soul. To this day, she'd give anything to know what had been behind those dark depths, the memory of which still sent a tingle trailing from the nape of her neck, all the way down her spine._

_They made love for hours, until they were both sated and Mac thought, sleeping, in each other's arms. She woke to find him lying next to her, his eyes on the ceiling. Mac thought she saw regret in his expression and did what she thought he needed her to do; she tried to make it easy for him. She told him that she understood, that she couldn't give up her future and her career and she didn't expect him to. And then he turned and looked at her with a confused and pained expression, when she had thought he'd be relieved. Then his expression quickly changed, his mouth hitched up on one side, in a crooked smile, that didn't quite reach his eyes. He leaned over and kissed her, touching her cheek with one finger tip._

_He looked into her eyes for a moment, and then he stood, looking around the room for his jeans. Mac eyes followed him, smiling at the thought that he wasn't shy at all around her, and that he looked just as great with or without clothing. He looked up at her with a wicked grin and said "What?"_

_Mac felt her cheeks warm and then she did look away, "Oh, nothing."_

_She threw her sheets back and slipped into her red silk robe, telling him she'd make him some coffee while he showered._

_When he walked into the kitchen she handed him a mug. It was crazy, but she didn't feel sad, in hindsight she might have still been just a little high from their night together. They didn't speak; it was almost as though they would be seeing each other the next day. It was as if by silent agreement, they couldn't be sad, not yet._

_All too soon, he sat his coffee mug down on the counter, and stepped up to her, their bodies nearly touching. He slipped the tip of his finger under her closed robe. He whispered "You really are beautiful …do you know that? Especially in red."_

_"You only had five hours…remember Sailor?"_

_"I remember….and I'll…..remember." Now she saw sadness in his eyes._

_Now the pain came, tightness in her throat, holding back the words she wanted to say. Unreasonable words. 'Don't go. I love you. Why don't you love me?'_

_Instead she placed her coffee mug on the counter next to his and walked him to the door. She embraced him, pressing his body hard against her, in an attempt to engrain the memory of what it felt like to hold him this way. She whispered as she held him, "I know the last nine years was about more than one night of good sex, Harm. I know you love me in your own way, just not enough to give up what you want in your career. I understand."_

_He pulled back from her and looked at her with brows drawn down, making reading those changeable eyes difficult. "I could say the same about you, Mackenzie…and last night wasn't good, it was great."_

_Then he kissed her once and then again, one short kiss. He looked away from her, and she saw this was this was getting painful for him, too. She said it first. "Goodbye."_

_He opened the door without looking at her, and then quickly his searching eyes looked into hers one last time. Then without saying a word, he slipped out of the door and out of her life._

_He wouldn't say good-bye._

_Just breathe….she'd told herself. And minute by minute, day by day, she learned to live without him in her life._

Mac lay awake for some time that night before her mind finally relented and allowed sleep to claim her.

May 18, 2009

0700

US Naval Hospital

Harm was just beginning to wake up when he heard voices in the hall. Voices he recognized. He raised his head slightly, and looked out to see Captain Ross talking to a woman in a Navy uniform. She stood rigidly with her hands firmly planted on her hips. She wore an admiral's star on her shoulder boards, her blond hair pulled into a tight knot at the nape of her neck. Her face was reddened, her mouth drawn into a thin line.

It took a few seconds for Harm to place the name of the woman he saw.

It was Allison, Allison Krennick.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

A Dream upon Waking

Chapter 5

Disclaimers as previously stated

A/N: Thanks to janlaw for proofing.

0800

Enroute to US Naval Hospital

London

Trish and Mac were silent on their way to the hospital, each woman preoccupied with her own thoughts. Mac sat in the back of the taxi, her back straight, holding onto her crossed arms. Trish had received a call from a nurse on Harm's ward. She wasn't given any details except to say that there was no reason to be alarmed. The nurse said that Harm was in no danger but there had been a change in his condition and they should come right away.

Mac knew instinctively that Harm's 'reality' the one in which she was his wife, was no more. In truth, it had all been almost too much yesterday. Before the phone call, she had been wondering how she was going to get through the day today. She only hoped that now, Harm would begin to heal from whatever he had experienced in Bahrain. At this moment, she could only pray that he wouldn't resent her, that he'd understand that she'd come because of everything Harm had been to her, because of everything they'd been to each other.

Trish and Mac hurried down the hall toward the nurses' station on Harm's ward. As they approached the nurses' station, they saw two officers, apparently having a heated discussion. One officer, a woman, was blond with her hair pulled into a tight bun at the nape of her neck, standing with her back rigid and almost up on tip toe as she was speaking. The other officer was a three star admiral. The older man was trying to calm the woman down.

"Now, Admiral Krennick…Allison, Captain Ross has perfectly valid reason to refuse you access to Captain Rabb's medical record and he is under no obligation to brief you on the circumstances of the captain's injuries. You of all people should understand that. I'm sure he meant no disrespect."

The woman stepped closer. "But sir…I…"

The older man had stopped listening; he was looking intently at Trish as she approached. Then his eyes lit with recognition.

"Trish? Trish Rabb…is that you?"

Trish stopped short upon hearing herself referred to as 'Trish Rabb' and then she studied the countenance of the man who had called out to her. Recognition dawned on her as well.

"John Bridgewater…I can't believe it!"

"What brings you here?"

"We received a call, saying that Captain Ross wanted us to come immediately."

The admiral stopped short and looked down at the name on the chart he was holding. "My God, it must be time to retire. Of course, Captain Rabb… is Hammer's son."

Admiral Bridgewater was Lieutenant Commander Bridgewater when Trish saw him last. He was the flight surgeon aboard the USS Ticonderoga, stationed aboard the carrier while Harm Sr.'s squadron was deployed on board her. In fact, John and his wife Carol had been good friends of theirs, before Harm Sr. went MIA.

Admiral Krennick was shocked when she realized that Harm's mother had been notified. She stood absolutely still, as though she were reassessing the entire situation. Then her eyes began to follow Mac as she approached the glass and looked in on Harm talking to Captain Ross.

"Trish, I'm sure you know Allison…"

Admiral Bridgewater's voice broke her concentration on Mac and she turned back toward the Admiral and Trish.

"No…I'm afraid I don't." Trish had heard this woman demanding information about her son and though she didn't know her, she had already developed a distinct distrust of her. Who was this woman to demand to know anything about Harm?

"Sir, I meant that Harm and I were close_ friends_…colleagues. I haven't had the pleasure of meeting Mrs. Rabb."

"It's Burnett…." Trish's frown drew down more deeply.

"Oh, of course, I remember now, Harm said you'd remarried."

While this conversation continued, Mac had stepped quietly to the door of Harm's room, and it automatically opened. Admiral Krennick saw her step in and walked toward the door as well. However, when Captain Ross saw her, he allowed Mac inside; but then, the door closed. The captain pulled the curtain across, blocking her view and denying Admiral Krennick entrance into the room.

She was red-faced and furious when she turned around, then she saw Trish and Admiral Bridgewater eyeing her with suspicion. Before Trish and Mac arrived she'd told Admiral Bridgewater that she and Harm were very close.

"I'm sorry Admiral Krennick, but I don't understand your interest in my son's care. Did he ask for you, is that why you're here?"

"No, ma'am…Harm and I have known each other for years, since he first came to JAG HQ, we're friends, colleagues. I was informed of Harm's injury by another colleague of mine and I came right away, hoping to be of some assistance. It wasn't my intention to intrude ma'am. Please accept my apologies." She looked briefly at Admiral Bridgewater and then at Trish. "If you'll excuse me." It was apparent that Admiral Krennick was trying to save face. She'd been caught in a lie, or at the very least, a misrepresentation of the truth. Without a backward look, she left the ward.

_Inside Harm's room_….

When Mac entered the room, the change in Harm was painful to see. He looked at her, then away from her quickly as though he was embarrassed. He stood up from where he sat on the side of the bed and walked over to his window. He seemed so uncomfortable in her presence. She swallowed her concerns and focused on Captain Ross.

"What happened?"

The captain told her that Admiral Krennick had come to the hospital, early this morning. He said that he and the admiral had a disagreement about her access to Harm's medical record and to Harm himself. When the admiral insisted and was very vocal about it, Admiral Bridgewater had been called in to calm the situation.

"In the meantime, apparently, just seeing Admiral Krennick through the glass partition did what we'd hoped seeing you yesterday would do. His view of reality has returned to normal."

"I see." She looked at Harm again, still standing with his back to her.

"Are you okay?"

"Not really." He turned to look at her, and she noticed for the first time some slight bruising under his eyes. He looked tired and troubled.

Captain Ross cut in again,

"We're going to give Captain Rabb a few moments to prepare himself, and then he has to speak with NCIS. They've been waiting since the incident to interview him. He's the only eye witness to the car bombing."

Mac nodded and turned to leave.

"Mac…"

She looked back at him, unable to keep her worry out of her expression.

"Are you staying?" Mac thought she saw a glimmer of something in his eyes, but the old walls were up, and he was apparently in too much pain now to know how he felt about anything.

"Of course….I'll be here."

Relieved, Harm nodded and forced a tight lipped smile.

Captain Ross followed her out of the room and Mac turned to him.

"Is he really alright?"

Trish joined the two of them outside Harm's room. The captain explained that Harm was, as before, physically fine, but the memories that he had suppressed might take awhile to process. When Trish asked when he would be able to return to his home and to duty, he answered that he wanted to take this week to week. He said he would release him, to go home, not to duty, on the condition that he have someone with him. The captain didn't expect any problem, but he stressed that given Harm's past medical history, releasing him with no follow up would be a mistake. His state of mind the following week would tell the tale about whether or not Harm would need further treatment or counseling.

Trish looked at Mac and then at the captain, "Colonel Mackenzie and I can do that, can't we dear? We'll schedule his appointment before he leaves today. Will that be sufficient?"

The captain nodded his acquiescence and went to write the orders for Harm's release. It took most of the morning and into the afternoon to process everything and for Harm to finish his interviews with NCIS.

After Harm left for his interview, Mac took a long walk around the grounds of the Embassy complex and then returned to Harm's room, while Trish was finishing up the particulars of his discharge. When Harm walked back into his room, he was taken aback when he saw Mac. It was almost as though he wasn't sure he wanted to come into the room. His distance, replacing the loving familiarity he had shown her yesterday, was difficult to bear. But even with the return of that distance, she knew he still needed her and she still wanted to be there for him. Taking a gamble, she said the first thing that came to mind when she saw him.

"Who are you and what have you done with my husband?"

Harm looked away sheepishly and shook his head.

She stood and walked toward him, her hands loosely clasped in front of her. "Come on Harm, it's just me. I know you're having a hard time, but remember why I'm here. I'm your friend. I still want to believe, your best friend. I'm here to help you."

When he looked back with a lopsided grin, she returned his look with a soft smile. Then he opened his arms for her to walk into, which she did willingly. He was careful when he put his arms around her. This embrace was nothing like the one she'd been greeted with, when she first saw Harm, but she'd take it.

Trish had everything in order for his release; paperwork was signed, instructions were given. Trish had even arranged to borrow a pair of scrubs from the hospital staff for Harm to wear home.

When they arrived at Harm's apartment Trish went directly to the kitchen to begin preparing their evening meal. Harm and Mac were left alone in the foyer.

"Mac, I really do appreciate your agreeing to coming." He took her arm to turn her toward him.

"I was happy to, I told you that."

"And... I'm sorry, uh, about the…the wife thing." He dropped his gaze for a moment and then looked up at her, uncertain.

"Remember Harm, never apologize, it's a sign of weakness." She placed her hand on his arm and stepped in close, so that she wouldn't be overheard. "Besides, now when I say_ in your dreams,_ I can really mean it." She waggled her eyebrows.

The awkwardness of the moment vanished and he looked at her with something between a smile and smirk. "You're still annoying, Mackenzie." He turned and started walking down the hall.

"Admit it, you missed me." She called after him.

"Uh, huh," was his only response. "I need to get out of these scrubs, and shower. I smell like a hospital."

"Go ahead; I didn't want to tell you squid, but you stink." Then she dropped the tone of her voice teasing him. "Dr. Harm."

As Harm passed the kitchen and told his mom he was taking a shower, Trish worried aloud that he might fall, but Harm assured her he was fine. She asked him to at least leave his bedroom door open, so that they could hear him.

"Mom…I'm fine."

She arched a brow and gave him a look that conveyed a threat to call Captain Ross.

"Yes…Mom." He looked at Mac, who was thoroughly enjoying this scene, rolling his eyes.

After Harm had gone into the bedroom, Mac began to help Trish prepare their dinner. "You know, Trish, maybe I should look into a hotel."

"It's too late now, dear. Harm would never forgive me if I let you go tonight." She placed a hand on her forearm. "We'll find something tomorrow. I can sleep on the couch, I've made it up before, believe it or not."

Then she wondered aloud. "Do you think that Krennick woman is involved with my son?"

Mac shrugged, "I really don't know."

Trish shook her head sharply. "I hope not. There was something about that woman that's very off-putting. I can't believe Harm would be involved with her…there would be a picture of her here, if he was, don't you think?"

Mac shrugged, "There aren't any of me either, and he thought I was his wife."

Trish huffed, annoyed. "Oh Mac, _really…_ She reached for Mac's wrist and led her into the front room, Mac following behind like a reluctant child. Trish went to his desk and opened the middle drawer, pulling out a picture taken on Bud and Harriet's wedding day. He was in his dress whites, and she was wearing a full length red gown. Unbidden, his words came back to her._ "You really are beautiful, especially in red."_ She had totally forgotten that she'd worn red that day and if Harm had noticed, there wasnt any indication of it.

Trish's words cut into her thoughts. "Honestly Mac, I'm beginning to understand how it didn't work out between you two."

Mac was speechless, and then Trish became self-conscious.

"I wasn't snooping, I was looking for some tape….or something, when I visited last…, I opened the drawer and there it was."

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

A Dream upon Waking

Chapter Six

Disclaimers as previously stated.

A/N: Thanks to janlaw for proofing.

A/N: There will be some reference to the episode,i"Bridging the Gulf"/i. Of course I'll be adding my own little spin, after all, that's what fanfiction is all about, isn't it?

Later that evening

Harm's apartment

London

When they sat down to dinner, the conversation seemed to be between Mac and Trish, with Harm quietly listening, and contributing only with short answers, or a smile. They all cleared the table and cleaned up afterward. Trish tried to shoo Harm away, but he quietly and stubbornly did his part. On the surface, no one observing this trio would believe they'd been through the things they had, in the last 72 hours.

They all settled easily into Harm's living room, with soft music filtering into the room. Mac listened and watched as Trish told stories about Harm, laughing and teasing and eventually drawing Harm into telling stories of his own. They talked about Mattie too. They were both so proud of her, each telling her, in turn, all of Mattie accomplishments, her GPA since she'd recovered from her accident, her acceptance at USC. They told her all about how hard she'd worked to regain her mobility. In her mind's eye, she could see it all and Mac was proud too.

Harm had settled on one end of the couch and she on the other. When he first sat down, he seemed to be sitting as far away from her as possible, but as their conversation went on, he began to relax and Mac began to recognize anew, the man who was still at the center of her heart.

Now, he was sprawled comfortably on his couch, turned slightly toward her, one of his long legs propped up, halfway onto the couch, but not quite touching hers where she sat. Mac sat on the other end, with one of her stockinged feet tucked underneath her and one knee up, with her arms draped around it. As she listened to him talking, she found herself looking at his features, noticing little things that she'd taken for granted, all those years ago, when she saw him every day. His long lanky frame, his strong hands and long fingers wrapped around the mug of tea he held in them. The easy laugh, uniquely his own, never failed to make her laugh along with him. The timbre of his voice, drawing her in and filling her, inexplicably, with longing to make some kind of physical contact with him. But she knew that this was just another feeling she had about Harm that she was very practiced at managing. So she merely hugged her knee closer, gave herself a mental shake, and pushed her feelings away and back into hiding.

Then the conversation turned, when Trish suddenly asked, "How is that darling girl who helped you with Mattie when she first came to you?" She looked at Mac, "I understand she works for you in San Diego, as your yeoman." Trish was sitting in the large leather chair arranged directly across from Harm.

"Yes, she does." She looked at Harm. "She was promoted last September to Chief, she's doing very well."

"I know." His expression was almost sly, as though he'd pulled something sneaky on her.

The muscles in her forehead tightened; she didn't remember hearing Jen mention anything about Harm, not for some time.

"Jennifer and Mattie still stay in touch." Harm answered her unspoken question.

"Is that how you knew about my promotion? I just assumed you'd read it in Navy Times."

"No, Jen told Mattie."

"And Mattie told you." For a moment, she forgot that Trish was in the room. "Why didn't you call? I did get your email, but it would have been nice to talk to you."

He dropped his gaze, "I didn't think….I wasn't sure I should."

From the desk in the corner of the room, the phone rang, saving him from this awkward moment. It was Little AJ thanking Harm for his birthday gift. She walked over to where Harm stood talking to him. Mac couldn't help grinning when she heard his excited voice echoing out of the receiver, her consternation with Harm forgotten. She asked softly if he had gotten her gift. When Harm asked, he said, _is Aunt Mac in London, too?_

Harm heard the phone being whisked away from him.

_Hello? _It was Harriet.

"Hi Harriet, how are you?" He looked at Mac and winked. She could only look up at him, and smile indulgently, just imagining the questions Bud and Harriet were asking

_"Mac is there with you? Really?'_

The phone was, once again, whisked away. This time Bud took the phone from Harriet.

_"Hello? Colonel Mackenzie…Mac is in London?"_

"Yes, she came out for a visit, along with Mom. Would you like to talk with her?" It was by silent agreement that Mac and Harm decided that they weren't going to tell Bud and Harriet what had really brought her to London.

Mac took the phone from Harm. She and Harm were holding back their laughter, at Bud's awkward conversation. Wanting to know, but trying not to be too obvious or ask a question that was too personal. Then, finally, he changed the subject, when he thanked them both for their gifts of tickets to the Washington Senators baseball games for little AJ and the whole family. Harm and Mac looked at each other disbelieving. "What day?"

Bud reassured Mac that it worked out; he laughingly said that he assumed they had planned it together. They would be attending one game in July and another in August.

After Harm and Mac finished talking to the Roberts', they noticed that Trish had become serious, her expression almost sorrowful. When she noticed them looking at her inquisitively, she explained.

"It's really strange that, when you are young, you believe that the people who are so close to you, people who share pivotal moments in your life, will never _not_ be there. But things happen, circumstances change and somehow you lose touch." She looked at them both steadily. "You are very lucky to have maintained your relationship with the Roberts' and with each other, for that matter."

Mac and Harm looked at each other at the same time; their gazes held for a long moment.

It was then that Trish explained how she knew Admiral Bridgewater; she talked about how his wife had been there for her, when she was new to military life, just after she and Harm. Sr. were married. She told them about a time when Harm's father and John Bridgewater were away at sea, on the Ticonderoga. She was expecting little Harm and had gone into false labor, she had been terrified. Carol Bridgewater had taken her to the hospital and stayed with her until the doctors cleared her to return home. In fact, Carol had been the first one she'd told she was expecting, not her mother, not even her husband. She'd been so excited she had to tell someone, so she ran to the Bridgewater's and when she blurted out to Carol that she was pregnant, they danced around the small front yard of their modest housing unit, like children. They'd been so loud that nearly everyone within earshot in their small neighborhood had heard and called out _'Congratulations!'_

Trish shook away the bittersweet memory and told them she needed to make some calls and that she was going to turn in for the night. She'd checked in daily with her husband since they'd arrived on Saturday. Frank, who was recovering from hip surgery, was in the care of a full time nurse in their home, while she traveled to London. Besides all of that, Trish felt the undercurrent between Harm and Mac, so she thought this would be a good time to leave them alone. "It's been a long day." She chuckled at the understatement. "I'll get your bed linens, for the couch, Mac."

Both Harm and Mac said "I can get them."

"Stay where you are, I have it."

Harm shook his head, his eyes following his mother as she left the room.

"Humor her Harm; she just wants to take care of you."

"I know."

They both rose when Trish returned and Mac noticed that Harm was moving a bit gingerly.

Mac frowned and Harm reassured her.

"I'm okay, just a little sore. No broken bones."

At once, all 3 of them said "Thank God" which made everyone break into laughter.

Harm waited a moment after his mother left the room.

"Do you…uh, need any help?"

"I'm fine." Mac was already busying herself with making up the couch.

"I could take the couch you know." Harm shifted the weight on his feet from one side to the other.

"Don't be ridiculous." She looked up at him with the corners of her mouth turning up, her eyes warm with affection.

Harm nodded, seeming to want to say something, but totally at a loss for words. So, he stuffed his hands in his pockets and took a few steps backward saying "good night" as he left the room.

_Later that night…_

Given all the events of the past two days, after Mac donned her USMC T shirt and shorts, she stretched out on the couch, and was asleep immediately. But one question nagged at her, at the edges of her subconscious, just as she fell asleep. iWhy had Allison Krennick shown up at the hospital today and what was she to Harm?/i

It was nearly 3 am when she was awakened suddenly; she sat up and listened, becoming fully awake, but she heard nothing. Then just when she told herself that she must have imagined the sound, she heard Harm's voice, he sounded distressed. She stood and padded over to his bedroom door, and peered into the room, and though his words were a jumble of disconnected phrases, she heard, _no…They're not dead, I just spoke to the boy…get my….I want ….my wife…_

She crept over to his bedside and turned on the small lamp on the nightstand beside his bed. She reached for his shoulder to try to shake him awake. When she said his name, Harm sat bolt upright in the bed, coming face to face with Mac.

"You were dreaming…it's alright."

His sheets were in a tangle and his body was bathed in sweat, his eyes wild. Then his eyes came into focus when he looked at her, and he covered his face with both of his hands. Mac went in to the bathroom and brought back a cool wet wash cloth. She sat down at Harm's bedside, and Harm closed his eyes as she began to carefully press the cool cloth to his forehead, and his eyes, trailing it out to the sides of his face and across his lips.

He stopped her ministrations and grasped her forearm, looking at her through glazed eyes. "It was my fault, Mac. The bombing…"

"Harm…. it was not your fault." She pressed the cool cloth to his forehead again.

He shook his head, almost imperceptibly; his breathing was still slightly labored, in an effort to calm himself down. "I remembered, today….I remembered, that just before the car bomb exploded, I saw a man, a man I recognized and he pointed at me and then detonated the bomb. I ran…but I couldn't get to him. That woman….and her son, died because of me."

"Harm…they died because there were unlucky enough to be walking past a car where a terrorist, bent on destruction, had planted a bomb. You weren't responsible for that."

_Outside in the hallway…_

Trish had heard voices and had slipped on her robe and stepped out into the hall. She stopped when she heard both Harm's and Mac's voices. However, she was close enough to hear the last thing Mac said to him. When she heard Mac's words, she smiled and crept back into her room, closing the door quietly behind her. Leaning on the closed door, she congratulated herself, she had been right.

The phone calls she'd made last evening were to check on Frank, but they were also to make arrangements to leave London early the next morning. She planned to tell them that she just didn't feel right about being away so long, with Frank still recovering from his surgery. Now that the worst of the situation with Harm had passed, she felt she could leave him in Mac's capable hands. As she slipped back into bed, she prayed that they would both have the good sense to act on their feelings for each other_, this time._

_In the meantime…._

Mac rummaged around in his kitchen for chamomile tea, while Harm threw on a T shirt and a robe. When she had it prepared, she walked into Harm's living room where he sat on his couch, his head back on the cushion. He lifted his head as she approached him; she sat down on the coffee table in front of him and handed him his tea.

Harm took a sip of the tea and thanked Mac for making it. He apologized_ again_ for waking her.

Mac couldn't help studying him as he spoke; there was so much she wanted to know. She asked him if he could talk about it, saying that getting it out might help.

"I don't know whether it will help or not, but I'll tell you. Do you remember that time I got into some trouble while I was doing my carrier quals?"

Mac raised her brows and tried not to smile, "Which time?"

Harm rolled his eyes and smirked at her. "The last time I did them, while I was at JAG."

"Yes I do remember, that's the time you were almost charged with murder. I don't think your friendship with Sturgis ever recovered from that incident," she nodded.

The memory of that terrible time was still evident on Harm's face. "Yeah, that's the one."

"The man I saw, before the bombing, was involved in an incident off of the coast of Iraq. I was sent to investigate it while I did my carrier quals. His name is Jalal Sharif, he owned a fishing boat that fished the waters just off the coast. He'd been forced by Zarqawi's men to test the security of an oil platform, or so he said after we located him. Anyway, the Iraqi investigator and I persuaded him to wear a wire so that we could track down the people who were giving him orders."

"I remember that what you learned in the raid that followed helped clear you of the murder charges as well."

"That's right."

"In exchange for his cooperation we gave Sharif safe passage out of the country."

"Then why would he want to kill you?"

"That was the first thing NCIS asked and I couldn't tell them anything." He closed his eyes and lifted his hand, spreading his palm across his forehead, his thumb and fingertip massaging his temples.

"Do you mind if we don't talk anymore?"

"That's fine." Mac answered, pressing her lips together. She started to reach for his other hand, but then stopped herself, fearing that her touch might be unwelcome.

"I don't want to go to bed quite yet, do you mind?" He looked at her through narrowed eyes. Then he reached for her hand and pulled her over onto the couch beside him. "I just want to sit here for a minute and clear my head."

She sat down next to him and he let his head fall back and he closed his eyes. "I just need a few ….minutes… stay with me a while."

"I'm here." She gently pulled their clasped hands across her lap.

It was quiet in the room and Harm sat still holding her hand. She sat silently ticking off the seconds into minutes, until eventually, she realized that Harm had fallen asleep. She watched him for a long time in the soft light in the room, savoring the opportunity to do so. After a time, she gave in to the impulse to reach out and brush back his hair and caress his face. At first, he turned his head into her hand and then suddenly, he jolted awake.

"Mac?" He looked at her through eyes that were still half closed. "You should go to bed."

Mac chuckled softly, "Well Sailor, I would, but you're sitting in my bed."

Harm realized where he was and stood, unsteadily. Mac got up with him and gently guided him back to his room. Harm told her he could make it, but she insisted. He turned and stood at his bedside, looking down at her with sleepy eyes. "See, I'm fine."

"iI see./i Goodnight, Harmon."

Then he kissed her; just a small peck, on the lips. "G'night, Mac." Then, as though he were satisfied with what he had just done, he lay down on his bed and turned over onto his side, facing away from her.

Mac turned off the light, and quietly crept out of the room. She turned to look back at him already sleeping contentedly, thinking that he was acting as though he kissed her goodnight, every night…..

Just like he would, if she were his _wife._

TBC

A/N: I won't be able to post anymore until Monday, at the soonest, due to circumstances beyond my control.


	9. Chapter 9

A Dream upon Waking

Chapter Seven

Disclaimers as previously stated.

A/N: Many thanks to janlaw for proofing in between all our travels and trials.(smile)

Harm had slept deeply after Mac left his bedroom, but as his conscious mind tried to awaken him, he slipped into a dream about Mac.

It began in a familiar place, the flight line at Miramar, He saw his wife, Mac, waiting for him near the hangar. When she saw him, she didn't run as he'd seen countless other wives do. Her body language didn't give away the fact that she hadn't seen her husband in months, but he_ knew_ his wife. He saw the swiftness in her graceful cadence as she walked toward him, her eyes locking on his, as soon as he turned toward her when he stepped onto the tarmac. Her smile was soft and sexy and grew in intensity as she drew closer. He felt as though it took an eternity to get close enough to get his arms around her. When they embraced she whispered his name and the sound of her voice in that one word, told him he had been missed, loved and needed. His dream took him to their bed. Mac was in his arms, lying beneath him. Her amber eyes were dark and hooded, her fingers threaded into his hair, the sounds of her pleasure filling him with an insatiable need to love her and give her more.

In his dream he saw her tousled hair, her red silk robe tied loosely around her waist. He saw her face, suddenly so sad, he heard her voice saying iI understand…I know you love me in your own way/i Then as he slept fitfully on, his dream took another turn. He saw Mac again, this time in his hospital room, she was sitting at his bedside and he was trying to pull her close, but she'd braced her hand on his shoulder and pushed him back._ You know I'd do anything for you, don't you?_

Now, in this dream, he saw what he hadn't been able before, He saw uncertainty and turmoil in those beautiful eyes. Then, clarity came, Mac wasn't his wife.

And with that realization, came the same feeling of disappointment and loss he'd had when he'd understood that Mac had pretended to be his wife…when he understood she wasn't…his.

Harm woke suddenly, the emotions his dream invoked stirred such an intensity of feeling that he immediately sat up on the side of the bed. In the past when he'd dreamt of her, he'd only remember bits and pieces of the dream, nothing clear that he could hold on to. Now what he felt and remembered was another matter altogether. He scrubbed his face with his hands, trying to bring himself more awake, then he stood and walked unsteadily to his bathroom. Turning on the tap, he splashed cold water on his face. As he dried his face, he looked at his reflection in the bathroom mirror and the memory of holding Mac when she'd first come to him in his hospital room, what it felt like to kiss her, his every feeling in that moment returned, clear and sharp. He felt her slight resistance and then the surge of power that came when she yielded to him and kissed him with a passion that matched his own. Knowing he was making this even more difficult, he gave himself a mental shake, and tried to reason away the confusion he felt. It had been years, but he knew Mac, she'd only come out of friendship. Then he shook his head as he remembered,_ "I'd do anything for you…"_

He turned on his shower and adjusted the water temperature. When he stepped into it, he let the water splash over his face, his thoughts of Mac never leaving him. He remembered her laughing through her tears, as she left his hospital room on that first day_…"I'm sorry….I wasn't sure what I'd find when we got here…I'm so glad you're alright."_

He lathered his body up and then let the hot water sluice over his shoulders and down his chest and then turned and let the spray pound into his back, loosening the tightened muscles from the back of his neck to his heels. His memories and dreams were painfully in their proper places now. The penetrating and steamy shower had helped clear his mind. However confusing this situation had become, he would never regret having Mac close again. He missed having her in his life. After all these years, he really thought he'd never see her again, or that if he did, they'd never resume the closeness they once had.

The memory of the look in her eyes when she came to him and woke him from his nightmare. He still felt her hand clasped in his while he tried to shake off the terrible nightmare he'd had last night. _"I'm here"_she'd said. Amazingly, the special intimacy was still there between them. There wasn't a need for words; it was as though they still kept secrets that only ithey/i shared. He knew he'd never feel about anyone, the way that he felt about her.

She hadn't changed; she was as strong of heart and as beautiful as ever. She still knew how to make him laugh at himself. He didn't know yet how he was going to do it, but he was going to get her back into his life.

When he'd finished his shower and had dressed in his favorite jeans and black pullover, he approached his bedroom door, eager to see what Mac and his mom were up to. When he opened the door, he heard another voice. His eyes widened in surprise, it was Allison. He opened the door just a bit and inclined his head toward it, listening to Mac and Allison already in conversation.

_"I'm very concerned, tell Harm I'm here."_

_"He's sleeping."_

_"Wake him." Krennick's voice had an edge._

_Then he heard Mac say "I'm sorry, I can't do that; but I'll let him know you stopped by."_

_"You're Sarah Mackenzie…..Mac aren't you?" It was more of a statement than a question. "I've heard about you."_

_"And I've heard about you." Mac's tone indicated she'd heard a great deal, and it wasn't at all good._

_"Look…Mac, its imperative that I speak with him." In spite of the veiled jab, Krennick was trying a more friendly approach._

_Mac said something that Harm couldn't discern. Then the tenor of the conversation changed. Krennick was clearly angry. "Who are you to make that decision for him? Wake him, now."_

_A pause and then Mac spoke, her voice quiet, but firm. "His doctor's orders are that he rest, I am here to ensure that he gets that rest. As I told you before, I'll let him know you were here."_

_"See that you do……he knows how to reach me."_

The door closed, rather loudly.

Harm leaned against the closed door, knowing why Krennick was being so insistent, certain that it had nothing to do with him, personally.

When he walked into the kitchen Mac was standing with her back to him. She was wearing dark jeans and a light sweater, it wasn't tight but Mac's soft curves were always obvious, even in cammies. She hadn't yet realized he was in the room, when he heard her whisper,_ "Who the hell does she think she is?'She _took a clean mug from the shelf where he kept them, and set it down on the countertop a bit too forcefully.

"Hey, tiger lady, take it easy on that mug. It's not much but it was a gift from Mattie." Mac's stern expression evaporated and she nearly jumped backward in surprise.

"Harm!" She placed a hand on her chest. "I didn't expect you to be awake this soon. I wanted to let you sleep."

She poured him a mug of coffee, and when she turned and handed the mug to him, Harm saw the color creeping up her neck and into her cheeks.

Harm drank deeply and swallowed hard.

"Too strong?" Her brows raised, the corners of her mouth compressed into a small smile.

"I can handle it." He winked at her over his coffee cup.

He asked where his mom was and she told him that Trish had flown back to the States to be with Frank. They didn't discuss it further, they knew that she might have stayed longer; iand/i they both knew what she was up to.

"I thought I heard you speaking to someone earlier." Harm intended to talk to her about Allison, but he had hoped they'd have more time together before he did.

"You had a visitor, Allison Krennick, she seemed very…eager to talk with you."

Harm couldn't conceal the smile that twitched at the corners of his lips. Did he detect a hint of jealousy in her voice? Before things got out of hand, he explained that Allison's 'eagerness' to talk with him didn't have a thing to do with him. It was about what he'd seen before the explosion.

NCIS had the man responsible in custody and he was very high value. When he talked with NCIS Harm learned that he was someone who was also suspected of plotting an incident in Naples; he had been pursued by the Italian authorities, NCIS and the FBI for some time. Krennick was still the CO at the NLSO in Naples, and she wanted credit for his ID and capture. Anything she might be able to learn from Harm would give her the inside track in the investigation. Harm knew Krennick well enough to know that she'd try to insinuate herself into the case, possibly to get the attention of the Joint Chiefs. She'd been trying to wrangle her way back to Washington DC since she'd lost her chance at JAG HQ, five years ago. Krennick was a woman driven by ambition and very little else. She'd get back to DC if she had to go all the way to the SecNav.

"She gave me the impression that there was more to it than that." Mac crossed her arms in front of her chest and narrowed her eyes.

"Not…..really." He broke eye contact with her, there had been _something_ between him and Krennick, but it was…nothing.

Mac turned away shaking her head. "She wasn't very happy to see that I was staying here."

"I'm sure that isn't what Krennick was unhappy about. Besides, we only….dated...." Harm was thinking fast, the last thing he wanted to do was to let his chance at renewing his relationship with Mac get hung up on Allison Krennick.

"Dated?" Mac was walking toward him now.

Harm shook his head, his arms folded in front of his chest.

"You don't want to talk about his, do you?" Now she stood in front of him, and Harm looked directly into her eyes, deciding to convey, in as few words as possible, that there hadn't been anything between he and Allison, nothing that measured up to the feelings he had for Mac.

"There isn't anything to talk about, other than what I've told you."

Mac gave Harm an assessing look; Harm's eyes weren't quite meeting hers, but she didn't get the impression that he was being evasive, it was more like embarrassed that he'd had anything to do with her at all. Yet, because Mac was…. Mac, she couldn't resist an opportunity to needle him and make him laugh in this awkward situation.

Mac's mouth hitched up on one side in a sardonic smile. "I don't know Harm….the women you pick." She feigned incredulity "What were you thinking?"

Harm idid/i laugh, "I don't know… a momentary lapse in judgment?" His lips curving into a half smile, his shoulders hunched in a way that could be interpreted as cringing.

Mac was enjoying this. She loved his totally disarming, and sometimes that self-deprecating honesty, that is, when his fighter-jock ego would allow it. It was a side of him he didn't let a lot of people see, but he trusted her enough to see him this way and she loved him for it.

Wanting to change the subject more than anything else, he offered to buy Mac lunch and show her around ihis/i London. She accepted gladly, teasing him that she needed protein that wasn't tofu. The weather was still cool enough for a jacket and as Harm helped her into hers as they stood in his foyer, Harm noticed Mac's smile.

"What?"

"You still wear it."

He frowned, not understanding.

"Your cologne, that scent, it's my favorite."

Harm raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Really?" Then he decided that he owed her for her little barb about Krennick.

"Well, that's something I never knew, but I did notice something the other day, right after I came home."

"What was that?"

"You still steal my t shirts." He gave her a slanted glance before opening the front door for her and allowing her to pass through.

As they left the building they were both laughing, completely unaware that they were being observed from across the narrow street. Allison Krennick watched them from the front seat of her small rental car. She whispered to herself as she watched them walk in the opposite direction from her car.

_"If you think you can keep me from speakinging to Harm, Sarah Mackenzie. You underestimate me."_

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

A Dream upon Waking

Chapter Eight

Disclaimers as previously stated.

A/N: Many thanks to janlaw for proofing.

As they walked away from his apartment building, Harm asked Mac if, after lunch, she'd like him to show her around Trafalgar Square or any other place within walking distance. Mac agreed. They settled into his favorite pub, one he'd frequented often over the past year, since Mattie left for USC.

Mac looked across the table at him, unable to resist the opportunity to tease him, just a little. "I'm not sure I'm comfortable being out with you, maybe we should go back to your apartment. You never know when your friend, Allison Krennick might show up, she seemed very….possessive… about you."

"I doubt that, besides, one night and a couple of dates, almost a year ago, does not a relationship, make…."

That bit of information surprised her, but Mac only looked away from him. She couldn't hide the wounded look in her eyes when she asked, "One night? Like us?"

Harm sat back, suddenly very serious, "There is no comparison, Mac." His dark brows gathered over his penetrating gaze. "You know that….. Right?"

Neither of them could look away from the other, for a long moment, until Harm seemed to recognize someone he saw over her left shoulder. His eyes widened with surprise and Mac could have sworn she saw a hint of panic. Mac looked over her shoulder, to see what was causing this reaction. It was Krennick, looking at Harm with a fixed stare, as she walked toward him with a purpose.

When Mac saw the determination on Krennick's face, she knew that she wasn't going to step aside and allow this woman to insinuate herself back into Harm's life. It was in that moment that Mac decided what she was going to do. She turned back towards Harm, reached up and gently placed her hand on the side of his face and brought his face to hers, and then she leaned in and kissed him.

When Harm saw the look in Mac's eyes, he forgot everyone else in the room, as she parted her lips to kiss him. Even with all that was happening around them, he was mesmerized as he closed his eyes and kissed her back. It was a soft sensuous kiss and when they parted, Harm asked her,

"What was that for?" His voice was low and thick with passion.

Mac smiled at him, her hand still at his cheek; "You looked as though you needed it. You had that '_help me'_look on your face." She kissed him again just for good measure and to make sure that Krennick got the message. Mac wasn't going anywhere.

She leveled her eyes with his, just inches away and said, "You owe me."

"Anything, Mac," he whispered, trying to convey to her that he meant it, on so many levels.

He was still looking at her when Krennick reached their table, glaring first at Mac and then at Harm. She addressed him without preamble.

"Why didn't you ask for me while you were in the hospital, Harm? I could have helped you, I've always had your back, you know that. We have a history." When she spoke, her words were fired at him in rapid succession, as she leaned in toward him, making her case.

"That we do, Allison, but…obviously, you and I see that history very differently." He leaned back, his slightly bemused expression beginning to shift into one of pure irritation.

Harm told her he knew why she wanted to talk with him and that he'd already identified the car bomber when he'd talked to NCIS and the FBI while he was still in the hospital. Upon hearing this, Krennick's body flinched imperceptibly, but she maintained control, her face reddening and her nostrils flaring.

She quickly reminded him that if she had not come to the hospital out of _true concern_ for him, that he might not have been able to recover his memory at all, or for that matter, remember the identity of the terrorist.

"Yes, seeing you did help bring back my memory, but then… there are some memories, mistakes…that are so unpleasant…..that your mind won't allow you to forget them. And then, there are some memories so pleasant that you sometimes prefer them to the present." As he kept his eyes on Krennick, he placed his hand over Mac's.

"What are you saying? Harm…I thought we...I thought I…" Krennick tried to look at him with pleading eyes, but Harm could see that they looked as hard as two dark green marbles. She grasped his forearm and slanted a glance at Mac.

Harm looked down at her hand and then back up at her, the look in his eyes , sharp and incisive. Krennick slowly straightened her body and took a step back from them as Harm made his feelings about the matter more clear. "I haven't seen or heard from you in almost a year, Allison, so let's dispense with the 'we', when it comes to you and me, alright? I know what I am to you, what I've always been to you. I'm not your iboy/i and I'm not willing to get caught up in your power play."

Krennick looked down as she altered her expression to a cool mask, suppressing her fury at being dressed down in front of a rival. Though she didn't know Mac well, she was well aware of Harm's feelings for her, though he'd never said a word to her, personally. It was true, she didn't really want Harm and she certainly didn't love him, but Allison Krennick liked winning. It didn't really matter what she had to do to accomplish it. Humiliated and furious with them both, she turned on her heel and walked away, the rage in her countenance making anyone in her path step aside, as she made her way to the door.

Before Harm had a chance to assess how much damage Krennick's little scene had just done to the tenuous bond that was beginning to form again between them, a waitress approached them, her face lighting up as soon as she recognized Harm.

"Captain Rabb, where have you been? It's been weeks, luv. I thought you'd forgotten us."

The waitress, nearly old enough to be his mother, placed her hand on his shoulder, as she spoke to him. When Harm looked up at her and smiled, the waitress seemed completely enamored of him. Harm chanced a glance at Mac, warily, still wondering about her reaction to the scene Krennick had just made in front of her, but Mac didn't seem to be upset at all.

For Mac's part, the way Harm had just spoken to Krennick, made it clear that whatever Krennick had been to Harm in the past, she was nothing to him now. Mac wasn't going to give the woman another thought. Now, as she focused on the exchange going on between Harm and the waitress, Mac couldn't suppress her grin when she thought of the affect Harm seemed to have on nearly every woman he met. They either wanted to mother him or jump his bones. She saw Harm's lips curve into a relieved smile as he introduced his 'regular' waitress there at the pub. Her name was Sarah. When she asked him about his date, Harm told her Mac had been his partner at JAG, while he was stationed in Washington DC.

After they'd ordered, and Sarah was walking away from the table, she stopped suddenly and wheeled around to look at Mac and then at Harm and then she exclaimed, "She's the one, isn't she….the one who got away?" Harm immediately shielded his eyes with a hand spread over his forehead, looking down, off the side, then up and the ceiling, anywhere but at Mac. Then Mac saw the waitress, turn back to look at her coworkers behind the bar, indicating with a thumb over her shoulder that Mac was ithe one who got away/i and two younger ladies looked at each other and nodded their understanding with wistful smiles.

Mac, who had been taking all of this in with amusement, was now laughing behind her hand. She leaned forward and looked into Harm's still shielded eyes. "Quite a fan club you've got here, Harm."

He huffed a laugh and rolled his eyes, leaning back on his chair now. "Knock it off, Mackenzie."

"It seems these ladies know something I don't, Harm." She was still grinning at him playfully.

Harm looked up at her and in spite of how uncomfortable the moment had made him, he managed to look at her in a way that made her believe that what Sarah had just said might have been true.

"Am I the one who got away, Harm?" Her tone of voice had lowered and she wasn't teasing now. Mac couldn't resist pressing him about it, her heart squeezing at the thought that he still might care enough about her to think of her in that way.

Harm held her gaze for a moment and then tracing the corner of the linen napkin on the table with his thumb; he nodded and returned his gaze to hers, as though he were waiting for her to make the next move.

It was Mac's turn to look away now, as question that had haunted her for 4 years weaved its way to her lips. "So…when you came to my apartment that night before you left for London ….it wasn't just curiosity?"

He looked at her steadily, "Do you really believe that, Mac?"

Mac arched a brow and returned his look directly. "There were times that I thought so, especially after our e mails became fewer and fewer. I thought you had let go, and I guess I never thought you would, but…"

Harm didn't give her a chance to finish. "I thought it was what you wanted, Mac. I didn't want to stand in your way; I knew it wasn't possible for us to maintain the friendship we had at JAG. You were busy, I was too, I just thought…" He shook his head. "I don't know what I thought." Somehow what he'd believed back then didn't make any sense at all; he broke eye contact with her, unable to find the words to explain it to her.

When Mac had first stepped off of the plane at Heathrow she'd thought that all the time that had passed since they'd seen each other had seemed like an eternity, longer than 4 years. Now that Harm had come back into her life, it seemed only 4 days ago, that she'd kissed him goodbye at her apartment door, her heart wide open and waiting for him to say that he loved her. The past few days had shown her that her feelings for him were deeper than ever. It didn't matter now who let go, or when or how it happened, it only mattered that they were together now.

"It doesn't matter, Harm." Her tone of voice was quiet and even.

He looked up at her, not sure how to interpret what she was saying, until he saw the look in her eyes. She was telling him the past didn't matter anymore. Maybe they still might have a chance and at that moment he hoped with everything in him that they did. Neither said anything more for a few moments, as though they were afraid another word would break the fragile thread of their renewed connection.

Sarah brought their meal shortly thereafter, but not without telling Mac she was so happy to have met her. She nudged Harm before she left the table. "It's about time, a man with your looks, coming in night after night, by himself…all alone."

Mac only nodded, her lips pressing together and curving into a half smile.

Harm dug into his meal, without looking at her.

"Do you come here a lot, Harm?" Mac propped her elbows on the table, her head resting on her folded hands.

He explained as they ate their meal that it had been very difficult after Mattie left for USC; that he hadn't liked coming home to an empty apartment. So, he had come here a few times a week.

"Ummm, how do they know…about me?" Her eyes were wide with curiosity and mischief.

Harm returned his attention to his plate, and then looked up at her sheepishly. "I must have had one too many one night and…uh, and JAG…and…you… must have come into the conversation."

She smiled indulgently at him. "It's nothing to be embarrassed about Harm, its sweet and very romantic."

Harm's smile faded after a long moment and he answered. "It suppose it is, but it wasn't much fun in reality….was it?"

Mac remembered the night he left her apartment and the days after their separation and her expression shifted, as well. "No, it wasn't. It was a lot harder than I thought it would be, in fact. I have no regrets about our…night, together, but there were times, when I…wish I hadn't…."

Harm frowned, not understanding.

"Don't misunderstand; it's just that… you don't miss what you never had." Then Mac blushed at her choice of words. "That didn't sound right."

"I know what you meant." He grinned at her roguishly, but as Mac studied him for a moment, she thought, _Do you?_

TBC

A/N: For those of you who can't believe that Harm would have anything to do with Krennick, remember the "What If' fantasy episode and his proposition to Krennick for 'rebound potential'. As unpleasant as the thought is, she was floating around there in Harm's fantasy life. Also remember this story takes place after 4 years of separation with no thought of either of them ever seeing each other again.

A/N For those of you who are upset because Harm and Mac arent in the sack yet, I dont know what to tell you. The night she came to him when he had his nightmare, his mom was in the next room, for that and the fact that this is my story, and its my prerogative to write it as I see it, I will end this story as I see fit. Its your prerogative as a reader to read it, or not.


	11. Chapter 11

A Dream upon Waking

Chapter Nine

Disclaimers as previously stated.

A/N: Many thanks to janlaw for her proofing and technical support(smile)I may have changed a sentence or two so if there are any mistakes, theyre likely to be mine.

When they finished their meal, they began their walking tour. They went to Piccadilly Circus, Trafalgar Square and all the places in the West End that he thought she'd like to see. They walked for some time, with Harm introducing her to his world as it was now, in London.

After their conversation in the pub, the air around them seemed to be charged with a magnetism that drew them closer, creating in both of them, a need to touch and be touched. When they walked into a shop Harm would guide her in, with his hand resting lightly on the small of Mac's back, which sent a tremor of warmth spiraling through her. She would occasionally take his arm as they walked and when she did Harm would look down at her in a way that made her heart flutter in her chest. The tenderness in his gaze penetrated her heart, sparking a quiet arousal inside her, where comfort and desire intertwined.

They finished their evening at his apartment with a light meal that Harm insisted on preparing. They both picked at their meal, each of them distracted by their own thoughts and feelings about the other. They talked easily, but from time to time their eyes would lock and linger, the moment heavy with possibilities, and then, inexplicably, the conversation turned back to safer topics.

It was at one of those times that Mac asked Harm about Mattie, knowing that Harm loved talking about her and that it would put him at ease. She loved seeing the look on his face and even the feeling in the room, whenever he talked about her. There were few people in Harm's life who had that effect on him.

What Mac never understood was, that _she_ was one of those people, too.

"Tell me about Mattie." She put down her fork, finally giving up on an appetite that just wasn't there.

"I thought Mom and I had already bored you enough, with all of our stories about Mattie." His features relaxed into an easy smile.

"I like hearing about her; I know it might not make sense, but I'm proud of her. I'm proud of you too, Harm. You really are a good dad."

Harm shrugged, a bit uncomfortable with Mac's praise. "I've tried to be, having her in my life has meant….a lot. I tried to keep the promises I made to her. We haven't flown Mt. McKinley yet, but we did sail the Med, and as far as college is concerned, Mattie really earned her way."

"But you helped make college happen, Harm. You deserve some credit."

He shook his head almost imperceptibly, "I don't know about that. She pulled down the 4.0 GPA, I didn't."

"You must have missed her terribly this past year."

"I did, but now I'm finishing up my tour here; I'll be back in the States by the end of the year. There's a command billet opening up at NLSO Southwest that I think I have a lock on. I want to be closer to Mattie and also to Mom and Frank. They're not getting any younger."

Mac raised her brows and grinned at him, while she placed the napkin from her lap on the table beside her plate. She swallowed hard, her head spinning with the idea of Harm being so close again. The thought of it filled her mind and heart with hope. "I wouldn't suggest you say that to your mom."

Harm chuckled and shook his head. "I won't do that, but the truth is I'm not getting any younger, either. Mattie will be out of college before I know it, settling into a life and career of her own. I'm running out of time to do the things I promised her." Harm was looking at her but then his eyes glazed, his thoughts taking him to the day he really would have to let Mattie go. He mentally shook off the thought and changed the subject.

"What about Chloe, do you still stay in touch?"

Mac's visage changed immediately, revealing to Harm the delight she took in being a part of Chloe's life. The delight she'd always taken, even when Chloe was being a _dweeb_.

"Yes, we do, she graduates from UVA next month and then she begins law school at Duke in the fall."

"It sounds as though her life is taking off, too."

"My God, Harm, we're the older generation." Her mouth hitched up on one side in a painful half smile..

Harm's smile shifted to a smirk as he scooted his chair back and walked his plate into his kitchen, "We are _not_ the older generation. A different generation, maybe…but hardly…_older_."

"Time is going by so quickly, it doesn't seem that long ago that you and I were trying to talk Chloe down from the top of the elevator at JAG." She followed him into the kitchen.

"I know... and for us…a lot of water under the bridge, since then." He crossed his arms in front of his chest and leaned against the counter near the sink.

When Mac looked up at him, she thought that once again, he had something to say but for whatever reason, could not. His unspoken words hung in the air as they cleaned up in silence, both of them unexpectedly becoming aware of their closeness to each other. They didn't make eye contact as they finished up. Harm placed a glass in the sink, reaching around Mac as she stood at the sink, his body brushing against hers. In that moment, it was though the atmosphere in the room became thick with electricity, fueled by their own powerful attraction to each other. When she turned to look at him they were nearly face to face. Harm looked down at her lips then up into her eyes and as though drawn in, Mac responded in kind, her lips parting, but just before they made contact, they both backed away.

Harm was on the other side of the kitchen when he asked if she'd like to go out again, this time to a movie, since it was still early. He thought that going out again might keep him from moving things along too quickly. It was so good to have Mac back in his life again, he didn't want to do anything that might put that at risk. If he followed his feelings, he would pick up right where they'd left off four years ago. He wasn't sure now that he had the control to stop at just being close to her. It had been too long and he had missed her so much.

Mac dried her hands and turned toward him. "If you don't mind, I'd like to stay here."

"Okay, can I get you something to drink? Tea …or something?" Harm suddenly needed something to do with his hands. He pressed his lips together, trying to suppress a smile at the thought of spending an intimate evening alone, with Mac.

When she told him she'd like tea and began getting cups out of the cabinet to make it herself, he insisted on helping. As they carried their cups into his living room, he surprised her with a question.

"You said I owed you…when we were at the pub, earlier." When she looked at him, rendered momentarily speechless by his question, he took a leisurely sip of his tea and asked, "What do you want?"

Mac placed her cup on the end table and sat down on his couch. He sat down next to her; a satisfied smile teasing at the corners of his mouth, his body turned toward her.

Her lips curving up playfully, she countered, "You said_, anything_, if I recall."

He set his cup down on the coffee table and gave her his full attention. "I did, and I meant it."

Her lips curved into a sly smile. "Hmmmm, that's a tempting proposition, Harmon. I'll have to think about it."

While she was _thinking about it,_ Harm stepped over to turn on some music. He selected something soft and jazzy that seemed to float into the air and wind itself around them. When he turned back to look at her he forgot about his intent to keep his distance. In fact, he was trying to figure out how to do the opposite. He had to figure out a way to get his arms around her again.

He took her mug of tea and set it down, along with his, on the coffee table.

"Dance with me, Mac." Mac could see a hint of apprehension under his smooth confident expression.

A slow smile of awareness spread across her face as she gazed up at him. "We haven't danced in a very long time."

He hitched a brow in response and reached for her hand, guiding her to an open area in his living room."Then we're overdue."

When he gathered her into a loose embrace, awareness of her body and just how well it fit to his, flooded his consciousness. As he felt the small of her waist, the muscle and sinew encased in soft curves, and the warm fullness of her breasts against his chest, he drew her closer and flattened his palm possessively at the base of her spine. She released a breath that sounded a lot like a sigh and in one light and graceful movement, wound an arm around his neck and placed her other hand on his chest.

"Mac." He pressed his lips to her forehead. When Mac leaned back to look up at him he saw his own passion mirrored in her eyes. She placed her hand at his cheek and with the pad of her thumb, traced the skin below his full lower lip, and took it in her mouth, her eyes half closed, watching him. Any control he had left him, when he looked deeply into her eyes, the color of hot caramel. He gave in to the impulse to cover her mouth with his and discover her all over again.

When she parted her lips to kiss him more deeply, a sound of pure pleasure came from deep in his chest, a sound that spoke to her on a primal level, telegraphing a need that Mac knew and understood. She wound her other arm around his neck as he pressed her closer, nearly lifting her off her feet as they both gave in to their passion. Just as he was about to lose himself in the moment, a tiny whimper escaped from Mac, jolting him back to reality and making him loosen his hold and step back from her.

"Mac….I'm sorry." He was breathing deeply, still holding her by both of her arms, trying to regain control. "This is too much, too soon." He couldn't look into her eyes, afraid of the rejection he might see there.

Her hands still on his chest, she leaned in and caught his gaze. She slipped back into his arms and when she was nearly eye to eye with him she said, "I've had time to think and I know what I want."

"Anything." His voice was fervent and husky with passion.

"Don't hold anything back from me, ever again. I want everything, everything you are."

He was stroking her back with his open palm, his eyes taking in every nuance and feature of her face. His eyes came to rest on the pulse he saw beating at her slender neck, a pulse keeping time with his own. He was drawn to it; he longed to cover it with his mouth, to feel that heartbeat as he tasted her skin. He closed his arms around her and drew her body up and into his; he nudged her hair back from her shoulder, trailing warm wet kisses from her shoulder to the tender spot just beneath her jaw line. The heat of his mouth brought on a rush of desire that coiled convulsively from her center that was so strong, her body arched into his as they gave themselves over to oblivion.

_Much, much, later…_

Mac woke to the sound of Harm's restful breathing as he lay on his side behind her, his arm possessively tucked around her waist. She shifted her weight slightly and Harm tightened his hold on her and jolted awake.

"Hey, Sailor."

"Hey yourself, what time is it?" His voice was gravely from sleep.

"It's early, only 0435, London time."

He was still holding her snug against him. Mac tapped his arm where it was clamped around her. "Hey…I'm not going anywhere."

Harm let go and apologized, stroking first her arm and then her back, still reveling in the fact that he'd just woken up with Mac in his arms.

"This is nice."

"It is." She was quiet for a moment then asked, "Do you mind if I ask you something that I've been wondering about, since you came home from the hospital?"

Harm was focused on the supple skin at the small of her back. "Hmmm?"

Mac turned over then and looked at him, "I'm serious."

He lay facing her, bending his elbow and propping his head on his hand, "Okay…ask." He slid his other hand down her arm and rested it at her hip. "But I'm not promising anything; you look too tempting wrapped in nothing but a sheet." His sleepy eyes raked over her, lingering at the sheet that was loosely draped over her breasts.

"Captain Ross told me that your memories of our marriage were very detailed. Do you still remember them?"

"I do, but some details don't really make sense. What I remember most is the expectation that you were coming to me or that I was going to see you. I remember you meeting me at the flight line at Miramar." He huffed, "I don't know how that came into it."

Mac looked at him indulgently, "Harm, there is no way your life isn't going to include flying, dreaming or not."

He brushed a lock of hair back from her face and asked, "Why do you ask, anyway?"

"I guess I still can't believe that you really thought of me…that way. For my part, it wasn't a dream, although there were times when I missed you so much that I wished I could dream of you. It was more like thoughts of you or of the way it might have been, that I couldn't quite shake. Simple things like the thought of you bringing me coffee in the morning or of spending Sundays together, in bed with newspapers scattered everywhere."

"My dreams were very real for me; you and I were together, solidly together. We both had our careers, but we were living for each other, too. I was your husband, in every sense of the word. Although…I think that red silk camisole folded over from our night together." His changeable eyes, now so blue, burned into hers as he caressed her face. "As hard as it was when I realized that it had all been a dream, I don't regret a minute of it because it brought you back to me. I love you, Mac."

She placed her hand over his and kissed him, a shiver of new pleasure making its way down her spine as she pushed him onto his back.

"And I love you, Harm, so please….take me to your dream."

FIN

Epilogue to follow


	12. Chapter 12

A Dream upon Waking

Epilogue

Disclaimers as previously stated

A/N: Many, many thanks to janlaw for her help with proofing and for sharing her knowledge of the real Navy JAG Corps.

**_A man travels the world in search of what he needs and returns home to find it._**

**_George Moore_**

December 17, 2009

Joint Legal Service SW Headquarters

San Diego, CA

Mac was rushing back to the building, after what seemed to be an endless daylong conference with regional Navy and Marine Corps judge advocates, legalmen and Marine law clerks. She climbed the steps eager to get to her office to finish up for the day, so that she would have plenty of time to pick Harm up at the airport. She'd been planning this homecoming for weeks. It had been six weeks since she'd seen him, the longest period of time they'd allowed to pass without, at least, a long weekend together, since May.

She heard the familiar chime emanating from her Blackberry and nearly dropped her briefcase trying to get to it before the call went to voice mail. She looked at the picture and number, it was Harm. The picture was one she'd taken on her last visit to London. It was a picture of him at Piccadilly Circus with the statue of Eros in the background, which would have been perfectly romantic if he didn't have his eyes crossed and his tongue sticking out. Putting it on her Blackberry had been her own revenge on Harm for spoiling her 'perfect' picture.

"Harm? Where are you?" According to her calculations he should still be in the air.

"I'm still on my way….but I won't be coming in as scheduled to San Diego. I'm sorry."

"It's okay. When do you think you'll get here?" She tried not to sound disappointed; he was stationed in the States for good now that his tour in London was finished. He'd been selected for the CO billet at NLSO Southwest, as they had both hoped. His assignment here in California would be the best Christmas present of all.

The connection seemed to be breaking up between them. "Harm?"

She stepped into her outer office. Her yeoman, Chief Jennifer Coates told her that a package had come while she was at the conference; her broad smile was unusually bright. It was a particular detail that Mac didn't register in her mind, as she passed Coates to enter her office.

"It's on your desk, ma'am."

She drew in a breath sharply when she saw dozens of roses, all of them deep red on every flat surface in her office. They were beautiful, accented with white baby's breath. Their green leaves made the room look strangely festive, in a Christmas sort of way. She was still trying to regain her composure when she saw a small black velvet box centered on her blotter; atop the box was an intricately tied red ribbon gleaming in the light, beneath her desk lamp.

"Harm, what did you do?" Her own voice sounded far away as she spoke into her Blackberry.

"Put the phone on speaker and open it." Now his voice was clear as a bell. She did as she was asked. "Open it, Mac, and tell me what you think."

With wide eyes and shaking hands, she carefully opened the box, revealing a 2 carat round cut diamond solitaire, accented with rubies in a platinum setting.

"It's...gorgeous. I…I don't know what to say…I can't believe you did this, it's perfect…" She took out the ring and slipped it onto her finger; she stepped over to the window and lifted her hand, seeing the exquisite stones shining in the light of the fading winter afternoon.

After a few spellbound seconds, she realized he was quiet on the line.

"Harm? Are you still there?" She was hoping that they hadn't lost their connection at such a moment.

Just then, Harm appeared in her doorway. The shock of seeing him drilled down her spine, all the way to her toes. "No…I'm here…not there."

"Oh!" She spun around and flung herself into his arms and kissed him soundly. "Hey!" She was breathless from their kiss and all of the surprises of the last few moments.

"Hey yourself." He gave her a satisfied smile as he raised his brows in question. "Well? What's the verdict, Marine? "

She threw her arms around his neck. "Yes, yes, yes!" She covered his face with kisses and hugged him into a tight embrace.

"Harm, this was so sweet, so beautiful and romantic. How did you ever come up with this idea?" She asked over his shoulder, looking at her ring.

He drew back from her slightly and looked down at her, his eyes gleaming with happiness and said, "Oh, it…came to me in a dream."

FIN

A/N: Thanks to those of you who read the story and asked for a sequel. I don't see one on the horizon right now. I'm taking a class this month and if I do anything else, I really want to finish _Wings of the Morning,_ hopefully before the summer is over.

Thanks again to those of you who read and reviewed, I forgot how much fun it is to write for this fandom.(smile)


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